Marriage Material

A friend of mine recently went into the “I'm not the marrying kind” mode, which made me laugh my ass off. My mother has always said I’d never get married.

When I ask her why she says that I always get one of two replies:

1. You’re not feminine enough

2. You’re too stubborn/strong willed/dominate or any other word that would flatter a man but makes me a bull dyke

My response to this.. usually laughter or a flap of the hand.

I always secretly think “yeah but Aunt Joyce is married. And I think a bull mastiff on steroids is more feminine than aunt Joyce (probably better looking too). Uncle Dale, while never seeming to cower before her, certainly looks to her for approval, much like a boot licking dog will look over at his owner.

Now peachy’s problem is different. All the women in her family, including ones just about to step onto the red carpet of love, have told her in urgent whispers to “never get married”. That is odd…

But you know.. I’ve finally claimed a man as my husband, several times, in front of witnesses, even. If I was a daughter of the Nine Moons, he’d be mine.

Look ma .. no hands! Oh wait.. only men are supposed to write their names in the snow. Ok ma, maybe you’re right. I’m not the most feminine woman out there. But some one loves me just as I am.

SSDD

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. – Walter Elliot

I know I’ve not posted anything “real” for awhile. I’m working 2 jobs now and am beat by the time I get home.

I’m at my primary job right now on a slow day. So, I have a few minutes to try to get my thoughts down.

ARRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!! ... whew ok now that’s out of the way.

I probably won’t be blogging much for the next month or so. If I do they will probably be things I’ve written on slow days here at work and doled out to the adoring masses (scoff) on a daily (semi daily) basis.

The only good news, sorta, that I’ve have today is that one of my co-workers is a Shriner and is going to sponsor my son for Christmas (Oh the shame! Yes, Les, Im letting him do it.. it’s for James after all)

Long story very, very short, I owe a debt that I can’t prove is not mine resulting from identity theft almost 7 years ago. I’ve done everything I can legally do to get out of paying this money (other than filing bankruptcy)… and failed.

They notified me Saturday that my wages are going to be garnished, to the tune of $432 a month. The $108 I was telling you about, Les, was weekly not bi-weekly like I assumed. I spoke to our payroll department this morning. The deductions will be started next week.

So my choices are... destitute poverty for the next 10 months (I only bring home $1100 a month, now reduced to $650) or filing bankruptcy. I’ll be calling lawyers tomorrow.

TOUCH MY BREASTS!! TOUCH MY BREASTS!! I like to be fondled when I’m getting screwed!!

One way or another, I’ll make it through I always do. But, I will be working any and all hours I can get for awhile.

Sun Conures..

Sun Conures.. before and after baths

Dare Schmare..

I laugh in the face of your dare. You are looking at a woman that really really wanted to go into Canadian Tire and as for a "penis protector". Besides my (ehem) sordid past isnt really a secret, and Im not ashamed of it.

There's a list going around and I've seen several places where you bold what's true and leave plain what's false. That's all well and good, but you know I just can't do something the same way everyone else does it. So, I've created my (Church of Steele) own unique list. The rules are exactly the same.

I DARE YOU to play along. ;)
1. Copy this whole list into your journal / blog.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.

With no further ado, like you had any ado to begin with..


01. I've had sex in the past five minutes.
02. I enjoy oral sex.
03. I scream loudly during sex.
04. I love sleeping with more than two people.
05. I own at least two books about sex..
06. I've peeked into the locker room of the opposite sex.
07. I have taken money for sex.
08. I've had sex while under the influence of a controlled substance.
09. I've been in porn movies.
10. I have been the odd person in a threesum.
11. I have published the sexual exploits of a past relationship without telling my ex.
12. I have lied to a lover about having an affair.
13. I have more than ten tattoos.
14. I like and respect Jenna Jameson.
15. I like slow sex.
16. I have learned a lot sexually over the past year.
17. I have a sexual fantasy about another blogger.
18. I've been told I’m a great lover.
19. I carry a condom at all times.
20. I'm interested in trying suspension.
21. I've broken a bone while having sex.
22. I have a wet dream that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I have had sex in the rain..
24. I have had sex while someone else watched.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it would improve my sex life.
26. I want to fuck right now ! (sorry Im too damn tired.. and besides I wouldnt call it fucking .. what I want to do right not)
27. I to play with food.
28. I like sex that’s hard and fast.
29. I always brush my teeth after sex.
30. I shave my pubic hair.
31. I have traveled out of town to have sex.
32. I have fantasized about having sex with my brother-/sister-in-law.
33. I have had sex with a person from a country other than my own.
34. I dress to look sexy every day.
35. I have had sex with twins.
36. I have has sex with someone I met over the Internet.
37. I have more than ten sex toys.
38. I like the way I look naked.
39. I have lied to get a person to have sex with me.
40. I change from one sex position to another in a specific order each time.
41. I saw my parents having sex.
42. I get cable just for the soft porn.
43. I think legalized prostitution can reduce some crime.
44. I have a list of people I would like to see naked.
45. I am regularly tested for STD’s.
46. I am one kinky bitch.
47. I'm always hungry after sex.
48. I enjoy phone sex.
49. I have been arrested for being naked in public.
50. I have had sloppy drunk sex with a stranger

10 random songs

Ok my first ten random shuffle plays off my media player.

1. Here without you = 3 doors down
2. Give up Giving In – Amanda Marshall
3. Giving Him Something He Can Feel – Aretha Franklin
4. Brick House = James Brown
5. Another Brick in the Wall – Pink Floyd
6. Shaking the Tree – Peter Gabriel
7. I Don’t Need You Too (tell me I’m pretty) – Samantha Mumba
8. Something’s going on in my room – Colin James
9. God’s trying to tell you something – Color Purple Soundtrack
10. Is It A Crime - Sade

I'm weird

I'll admit it. Ok.. just this once. When I'm bored, really bored. I .. well you see.. I umm pluck my leg hairs.

Yep, just me, a pair of tweezers and stubble. (dear god.. someone save me!)

I've never claimed to be normal.

Boredom and insomnia. Not a good combo. Has anyone seen my tweezers?

Leftover love

Whew.. My son and landlords just got back from the Thankgiving day feast. I have eaten my plate of left overs. Damn that was good.. and look ma! No dishes!

Now that I've eaten enough starch to iron a platoon of dress uniforms, I'm feeling a bit sleepy. Well duh! All in all. It was great!

Turkey (white meat)
Ham
Sweet potatoes with a luscious brown sugar glaze
Snap beans with bacon
Lima beans
Mac and cheese (homemade not Kraft dinner)

No desert but I'm fine w/ the sweet potatoes. I ate them last .. mm mm. I love my Shirley and Harold. The only flaw in an otherwise mouthwatering plate of goodies was 2 deviled eggs.. (insert gagging noises here)

I flicked them off the plate and into the garbage like 2 big boogers. On second thought.. you know I'd probably eat boogers before I'd eat deviled eggs. Oh in case you didn't notice.. I don't like eggs. :)~

Hope your day was good!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgivings of my childhood were a big thing. We'd have family (on mom's side) over that I vaguely remembered from last Thanksgiving.

All us kids would be eating at a "kids" table. This was usually flimsy and nowhere near large enough for all of us. I loved those Thanksgivings. We never really got sentimental about it. No tear in your beer moments. We were all there and having a good time.

Oh, and for the recored, I was every day of 25 before I got to move to the 'adult' table.

Thanksgivings now are a bit different. All us kids and relatives are scattered from here to hell. We almost never have the huge cook for 30 type dinners anymore. This year James will be eating turkey with the landlord's family. (Let me justify that by saying that my landlords are practically adopted family. They've babysat my son since he was less than a year old. Hell, they take him on vacation with them every summer to Florida)

I will likely be here at the house, trying to sleep off an impending cold. My cousin, Chris, and I may get together for a dinner out on Thursday. Who knows?

I don't cook for Thanksgiving anymore. It's just James and I, and since I had my stomach stapled it's just not worth cooking. For the last 3 years I've bought one of those "complete dinners" from my grocery deli. Actually they are very good. This year I'm just not feeling it. So I didn't reserve one. I know the landlord will probably bring home mounds of left overs for me, anyway.

So, what am I thankful for? Even though my life has been turned upside down in the last 6 wks I can think of a few things.

I'm thankful I'm alive. I almost wasn't.
I'm thankful for the love of a good man, that has helped me keep my sanity when everything seemed to be going to hell.
I have some really, really wonderful friends that care deeply for me.
I have a son. The light of my life. Without him I wouldn't be the woman I am.
I do have my sanity (no, really I do! I promise!)
I have a job, that for the most part, I do enjoy and (usually) pays the bills.

-----------

Moon: I got your package today!!! And all I can say is OMG, Thank you! James and I did watch Nemo together as I was blissfully sipping a cup of Timmy's. James thought the Nemo movie case was so cool because it has "Spanish" on it. I had to explain it was French, not Spanish. That got into a huge "bust out the globe" explanation of France, Canada and the US. Thank you very much. *oh and your penmanship is just what I would expect of you* lol

Back to work at ABC insurance

Insurance Customer: “I had to get up Saturday night to fry cheese.”

Uh yeah... sure!

Anyway, I’m back to my ‘real’ job for the first time since my accidental overdose last week. I have been worried about all the drama in my life having affected my reputation as #1 a self sufficient worker #2 a person that can get things done #3 being dependable.

I don’t know if it has or not, but I know that most of my coworkers spent the day tip towing around me. I’ve never quite caused that reaction before. I’m not particularly volatile, nor have I tried to give that impression. God what must they think after last Monday... My boss, god love him, just told everyone I was sick. Very few people are aware of the true details. I’m perfectly happy keeping it that way.

So with no further ado, things NOT to do when calling your insurance company

1. When I ask for your policy number, if you don’t have it, please just say I don’t have it. Don’t tell me your life story and use it to support why you can’t remember a 10 digit number. (See the above “I had to get up to fry cheese” statement for an example of what I don’t care to know)

2. If you’re buying a new car please don’t expect me to be pissing myself with excitement. I’ll give you the ole “wow that’s great. I’m looking forward to getting a new car soon” line, but I really, really... no REALLY don’t want to know everything about it. Nor do I want to hear your fascinating recount of how you “jew’ed” the dealer down a thousand bucks.

3. When asked, “what state do you live in” the proper response should not be: Brooklyn, Springfield, Miami, China town, Cincinnati, Houston etc. The question was What STATE do you live in?

4. Please speka engrish well enough to ask for an interpreter. If you can’t tell me what language you are speaking, I can’t get you someone that also speaks your language.

5. If I ask for your first name and you say “john smith”, please be expecting me to then ask you, “Do you hyphenate that first name or just run it all together?”

And just think, I’m well rested and happy to be back at work. LMAO

John Michael Durdin

One month ago, today, my brother passed away. It has gotten easier with time. It sometimes seems a bit unreal that he can be gone. This hits me hardest when I call mom’s house. The answering machine message is still by him. My mother won't let her husband change it, even though she knows it rips the heart out of us when we hear it.

One of John’s online friends started a memorial page for him. I was very fortunate to have met Tom when he attended my brother’s funeral.

Thank you Tom, for all your hard work, understanding, and patience during a difficult time.

Behold the power of cheese

Cheese warning... Break out the wine and crackers... Beware the Cheese

I wish, oh how I wish, that my beau was here. If that was impossible then I’d also love to be there. The distance is difficult, but something that we are facing day by day. It’s not as hard as one might imagine.

And yet, there are nights when the bed is mockingly passive aggressive in its largess. Sometimes the soft downy swaddling of a comforter only reminds you that you don’t have to fight someone else for it.

Hey hun... guess what... this SUCKS! Whew, I know we’d managed to go a few weeks without saying it, but I had too.

By Toketee

Made by a chat friend of mine.. Thanks Toketee 

Pets are better than people

I just got off a 6 hr shift at the pet store. My feet, which I worried about, are fine. My lower back, however, is on strike. Gawd, I never realized how much the excess skin on my tummy pulled on my lower back until today.

All in all, I loved it. One thing I don't like about working at ABC insurance is the fact I have no person to person customer interaction. I enjoy talking to, seeing, and actually helping customers.

Well, most customers... enter the screaming kids, raving parents, and idiotic adults that cant keep from making that goo-goo voice talk to every animal in the store. Other than that.. It was great.

I was very competent, knowledgeable and helpful. Hell, I've owned almost every kind of pet they sell, and if I haven't one of my family has.

All things considered I had a good time. There was plenty of poop to clean, I only bled 3 times and I didn't bitch slap a single kid. Woo Hoo..

And all this can be yours for the bargain basement price of $5.15 an hour. (see your local pet store for details)

My headache is gone!!

Sitting here today the headache would crest and recede. I was idly searching the net having given up on the web of the hand pressure points, and rubbing my toes. Both of the afore mentioned methods to help with headaches were suggested by friends..

Well I came across the following article:

In a recent journal article by Randolph W. Evans, M.D. and James R. Couch, M.D., Ph.D., the authors open by saying,

"Occasionally, orgasm can trigger a Migraine but, in others, can relieve a Migraine. Dr. Couch's data suggests that some women who decline, 'Not tonight, I have a headache,' may be avoiding an effective treatment."2

A study of Migraine relief with sexual intercourse in women was undertaken at Headache Clinic at Southern Illinois University. For those who obtained relief through orgasm, the level of relief varied, but it is interesting to note that of those who obtained any relief, the largest subset is those who obtained complete relief. Of study participants, 47.4% had complete relief, 49.1% had no relief, and for 5.3%, orgasm made their Migraine worse.

Hey, you know me.. I'll take one for the team. Anything to help, right?

So, I headed off to the bedroom and started my own DIY network. Ahhhh, one short umm nap later.. and I'm feeling satisfi... I mean... total headache relief.

Stapler 1 - Red 0

I have the feeling that were I to get into a battle of wits with your standard variety office supplies, I would probably lose today.

Last night the headache moved in. Migraine quality, pounding head and sick stomach, I have a hangover. Oh, goody!

I called doc this morning and she agrees that is probably the cause of the headache. She is heartened by this news, because it does show that the drugs are finally being filtered completely out of my body by my valiantly struggling liver.

She said to call her later this afternoon if it doesn't start to go away.

I went to bed last night and slept fairly well once I managed to drift off. The headache isn't quite as bad this morning so I'm fairly sure it will be gone by evening.

Well, it's time to finish the laundry. Thanks for tuning in.

Better living thru chemistry?

Whew.. Ok my adventures are mostly over so I'll recap for those of you not tuned in. Please overlook any stupid mistakes I make in the following. I am still not functioning at 100%

I went to the doc last week and was given Lexapro for general anxiety. When I got home I did the internet research on the drug. Normal side effects were noted: dizziness, nausea, daytime sleepiness, etc. Over the next few days I continued to take the med as prescribed and started having slight dizzy spells. The pharmacist said that was fairly normal and would go away as I got used to the drug.

Sunday night I was noticeably affected, my speech was slow, thoughts sluggish. I didn't really think to much of it.

Monday morning... hmm I don't remember much of Monday. Somehow I did get to work, get upstairs and at my work station. I don't remember any of that. I remember people hanging up on me on the phone because I couldn't talk. My supervisor realized something was wrong and took me to the company nurse.

They used my emergency contact on file to call my cousin Chris, I couldn't tell them the number or his last name. My blood pressure was dangerously low and I was all but unresponsive to verbal input. I vaguely remember asking if it was ok for me to sleep. They told me no, I could not go to sleep, I had to stay awake until someone came for me.

The nurse was asking questions about what I'd taken. My boss and I had discussed me starting the Lexapro back when I started it. He answered her. She was puzzled by my reaction to it. She asked me if I'd taken 2 or 3 doses at once. I answered her with a look that would have done a cow chewing cud credit. Huh? Wha?

Chris got there and took custody of me. He walked me to the truck. All I could say was, I feel funny, I'm sorry. Chris, god bless him, got me home and stayed with me long enough to make sure I was sleeping well, breathing properly, etc. In retrospect I probably should have gone to the hospital. I shudder to think of how close I may have come to ending up like my brother.

I saw my doctor Tuesday. I still was fuzzy in mind, and slow in physical reactions. She and I talked about what happened. I had been using a sample pack of the pills, I brought it in with me. She could see where I had written the days on the blister pack when I first got them so I could make sure I didn't forget a dose. I was right on schedule.. so it wasn't an overdose in traditional sense.

However... 3 yrs ago I had RNY gastric bypass surgery. As a result my digestive system is not exactly like it was pre-surgery. My doctor explained that what should have happened is that a certain level of the drug should have built up in my system and leveled off. For whatever reason that didn't happen. There was no leveling off of the drug. It kept accumulating in my blood until it had reached dangerous levels. That is the most likely theory we have. The other is that I may just be sensitive to that drug. We have no way of knowing why for sure.

I saw her again today. I can think pretty well now, I still have gray periods where I'll sit there and stare aimlessly off. Those are going away thankfully. She wont let me go back to work till Saturday. She wants to make sure my system is clear of the nervous system depression the drug put me into.

I remember almost none of Monday, and only a bit of Tuesday. As I started to come out of the fog Tuesday a few things became apparent.

#1 I was seriously fucked up.
#2 I tried to take a shower at some point.. but forgot to take off my clothes first. I found them in a sopping pile next to the shower.
#3 I spilled a 1/2 pot of coffee on the floor and just left it.
#4 There was a long, wide band of drying coffee creamer running down the kitchen cabinets.
$5 I found my cordless phone in the refrigerator.

Lexapro.. was bad.. very very bad.

Quiz

What kind of God are you?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
You earthly time was spent	Feeding millions with a few hot dog scraps
Your throne is	A towering onyx chair, reflecting perpetual moonlight, adorned with the skulls of the vanquished
You wear	Golden, breathtaking robes, girded in the middle with silver chains
Your Godly superpower is	The knowledge of and answer to all questions
This fun quiz by pelagicboreas - Taken 31195 Times.

New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Name:
Age:
Sex:	MaleFemale
Sexuality:	StraightGayBisexual
Flirting Skill Level - 21%
Kissing Skill Level - 51%
Cudding Skill Level - 95%
Sex Skill Level - 97%
Why They Love You	You are very sweet.
Why They Hate You	You bite.
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Pets, people. and poop

Before my doc appt I stopped in to see my cousin, Chris. He manages the local pet store at the mall. While we were chatting two employees quit. One called and said they’d work out the week, but then they are starting a full time job. The other, just quit.

Chris is/was already short handed before that, due to the undependability of some of the employees. He started lamenting his one single day off a week… Sunday… and the fact he’d now have to work it. He commented it was a good thing I’d never been suckered into this line of work (pet store) or he’d have me working for him before the weekend was out. I admitted I’d thought about it from time to time.

You know it’s a wonderful thing to be able to watch the dawn of hope bloom in a fellow human’s eyes. It was quite interesting to watch it in Chris’. He quickly became serious, saying that he really would hire me, even if I would only consent to working Sundays.

I told him I’d think about it. I went home and talked it over w/ my beau, Les. I talked it over with my babysitter. I mulled it and decided I would take the 2nd job. I called Chris to let him know and made tentative arrangements for me to start next weekend. Three to nine on Saturday, noon to six on Sunday will most likely be my schedule for the time being. I only promised I’d work till after Christmas, we’ll see what is happening then.

The money will really REALLY help, and I’ll be helping out Chris, what could be better? (The prior statement excludes the memory of two work free weekend days a week to do with as I wished…. Shhhh, I’m trying to kid myself here!)

So, my next 6 (or so) weekends will be filled with pets, people, and poop.

El Cheapo

Those words are a sign of dark days in my house. My cousin, Chris, and I have always been close. If he’s going to the store I can ask him to pick something up for me etc.

An example of el cheapo in its natural environment:
Hey, while you’re out will you get me some el cheapo toilet paper?

El cheapo is reserved, almost exclusively, for items that are necessities. You never get el cheapo cookies, cakes, or candy. El cheapo pizza? Unheard of! There is el cheapo soap, toilet paper, laundry detergent, and deodorant. See the difference?

Of course you are risking a lot when you go the el cheapo route... The toilet paper has a higher volume of wood pulp than some Ikea furniture. I swear, I once saw a beaver and a bunch of termites fighting over my last roll of el cheapo toilet paper.

Keeping all of the above in mind, Chris and I were almost overcome with laughter while driving on I-16 between Savannah and Macon. There, larger than life, was a bill board for EL CHEAPO FUEL STOP.

Which leads us to wonder, what kind of advertising can “El Cheapo Fuel Stop” have? You KNOW they can’t say a word about quality, or customer service... Even worse, what kind of goober goes to work for El Cheapo? I hope they aren’t expecting cutting edge medical benefits, 401K or dental coverage lmao.

It’s been two weeks since we passed El Cheapo Fuel Stop. A few days ago, I called Chris to ask him about flea and tick control for my cat. I said, “Please tell me it’s not expensive, cuz I’m using el cheapo shampoo and laundry detergent.”

That caused a new round of mirth and a joking offer of a part time job from him.

Phone Fear

Given all that has happened in my life in the last 6 weeks, I think it is understandable that I have a mild fear of my phone.

When the phone rings, and I’m not expecting a call, I get an ice water stomach and my palms start to sweat. After a few days of cringing whenever someone called, I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss it with her.

I saw her yesterday, we discussed my situation. She was understanding and gave me all the normal platitudes: “There’s only so much one person can take”, “You have to stay strong for your son’s sake”, “There is no shame in seeking help from me”, and (the ever popular) “It will get easier with time”

She also gave me a prescription for generalized anxiety. I have to go back for two follow up appointments to see how I’m doing and to do blood work. Oh goody...

I realize that a very large number of people are given anxiety meds, anti depressants, and anti psychotics. Given the fact that I’ve had one other stress induced anxiety/panic timeframe in my life, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

My doc and I both agreed I didn’t want or need to be a mindless, emotionless zombie. She took care to let me know that this would not interfere with my natural grieving process or day to day activities. It should, however, prevent the fight or flight feeling when the phone rings unexpectedly. God, I hope so…

Would you trade your self respect for cash?

One of my co-workers is a 29 yr old woman. She is a larger woman and looks a younger than her age. On 3 occasions, she’s come to work and told us of an “old man” she met. From what info I’ve gathered “old” means over 50 and comfortably well off in the money department.

She has told us of times they’ve bought her things, putt gas in the car, given her gifts, etc. One of the girls I work with asked if she had sex with there men. Her response, “Usually old men don’t want sex. They just want to touch on you. Every now and then, he might want more.”

I’m a single mom, I struggle to pay the bills every month, I’d probably projective vomit if I ever gave serious thought to letting an “old” man touch on me for money/gifts. GAK.

I just don’t understand that kind of woman. Hell, I have a hard time accepting a helping hand from my beau... and I LOVE him!

Christmas Lists

I hate, hate, hate making out Christmas lists for my son and me. Everyone always asks, “What do you (or James) want?”

I DON’T KNOW!!!

I did start a list today; I’m trying to get a jump on the question this year.

Stuff I’d like:
A good nail care kit.
Tim Horton’s Decaf Coffee
Queen sized bed sets: Top and bottom sheet + pillowcases (I don’t have a matching set of sheets to my name, my bedding is solid, striped, and floral none of the colors “go”)
Gift Certificate to Lowe’s/Ace Hardware/Home Depot
A small bottle of Aunt Wynell’s homemade butterscotch schnapps (hint hint)
Cordless Phone with Caller ID and headphone jack.


Stuff James would like:
Gameboy Advance
Finding Nemo DVD
The pokemon movie
Spiderman game for Gamecube (which I’ll get him at some point)

The above list is the result of almost 4 hours off and on thinking about it. LOL I hate making Christmas lists.

See spot run 

Skating for Literacy

I am thrilled to report that the bribery is working. My son has moved up 2 reading levels in 2 weeks. As a result, we went skating last weekend and will be going this weekend. (On a side note: I did not bust my butt this time. Woo Hoo)

It’s funny how this has worked far, far better than all my “I’m so proud of you”s, “You’re doing GREAT”s and all that (honest) praise. So much for kids desiring their parent’s approval and praise. At least I haven’t stooped to bribing with money. The skating is, thankfully, something we can do as a ‘mom and me’ activity, and is exercise.

I’m happy that he is not arguing as much when it comes time to read at night. If he continues through one level every week, even one every two weeks, he should be close enough to promotion requirement for them to advance him. So, $8 a week for skating is a small price to pay.

We’ve jacked reading to a new level in our house to facilitate his progress. All told, we spend almost 2 hours a night reading formal books/homework. If we do anything that involves instructions, he has to read them too me as best he can.

Thank the Gods I have some common sense. I'm sure our cupcakes would have been pretty unusual had I added the 2 cups of floor, as he told me too.

__
Sister update... Jessica tried to slit her wrists. The damage done was not bad. Her father and bf didn't even take her to the hospital (WHAT!). Unfortunately due to the fact she is over 21 only her father and mother, both of them, can commit her to a drug/alcohol/psychiatric center. And, sadly, they won't do that. So, I just hope and pray... I think she'll pull out of this.

Sanity spill, clean up on aisle 3

Cleanup on aisle 3...

My mother called and left a message just as I was walking out the door. My sister tried (unsuccessfully) to commit suicide.

Once I got to work I called Chris and asked him to call around, find out what is going on and call me back. I knew if I’d called mom right then I’d be involved in an hour long call and quite possibly lose my job.

Chris called back. “She tried to slit her wrists a few days ago. She is not in any physical danger at this time. Her father reports she is still drinking and doing various drugs. Guilt is a major problem for her, resulting from John’s death (a little more than 2 weeks ago). There is nothing you (I) can do right now that will help, stay at work.” Gotcha... Thanks Chris.

A few quick questions and answers to fill in basic info about where she is now, and if she needed hospitalization and we were off the phone.

I do appreciate the fact that Chris can give me the Reader’s Digest version of a possible family emergency. Had I tried to call my mother, it would have been 45 mins of disjointed, undoubtedly dubious information.

Needless to say I’ll be calling her tonight. Chris will, too. Hopefully, we can get through to her. I don’t know if I could deal with losing another sibling. Ok... I could... But, at what cost?

Too funny

The Canadian website Marry an American is reaching out to help weary liberal Americans who can no longer tolerate their president, asking Canadians to marry someone from south of the border. 

Steak-N-Shake ponderings.

My cousin, Chris, and I stopped in at Steak-N-Shake for a bite to eat recently. Chris and I have the same sense of humor, sardonic, often sarcastic, and very Seinfield-ish.

We were waiting for our food when we noticed the paper placemats had some odd slogans.

One had a picture of a milkshake with the caption “That’s Us!” Ok, no problem I get it.
Another was a bottle of hot peppers with the caption “That’s Us, too” Gotcha; they always have a bottle of peppers on the table.
There was a picture of a steakburger. (That’s soo Us.) Self explanatory.
Then... there was the picture of the spatula. (Us! With a handle!)

Chris and I look up and catch each other’s quizzical expression at the same time. He says, “I don’t get it either. If you figure it out let me know.”

Me: Us with a HANDLE? Don’t spatulas usually have handles?
Chris: Last time I checked they did. After all without a handle it’s just a Spu...
Me: It’s not even a ‘spu’. If there’s no handle it’s just a really small cookie sheet, or a metal coaster.
Chris: I bet the first guy to cook a burger thought “you know this would be so much easier if this little square of metal wasn’t burning the crap outta me. I know! I’ll add a handle! Look honey, I just invented a spatula”

At this time we got our chili, and it effectively put a halt to our “WTF” diatribe about spatulas (Us! With a handle!).

Some days are better than others at Steak-N-Shake. Mmmm, I’m happy to say it was a good day that day. The chili was ‘slap ya momma’ good.

Chris: Why do they call this Steak-N-Shake? When I mention it to people the first thing they think of is how good the chili is.
Me: Because Chili-N-Shake sounds like an unpleasant medical condition.

I nearly got sprayed in the face by his half chewed chili as a result of that piece of wit.

I love Chris. We really have to get back into the habit of spending one day a week together. He keeps my sarcasm sharpened and is the other half of the “dynamic duo” as the family refers to us.

Landings = Takeoffs, right?

I recently heard a radio commercial that had me a bit worried. It was talking about some low airfare offer from a specific airline, whose name I can't remember.

This offer was so good, so cheap, so perfect that it would restore your health. I could feel my gall stones exploding from the pure joy of cheap airfare. Ok maybe not. I'm sure that was the intended warm, fuzzy, get me the hell away from where I am right now feeling they wanted to portray.

And it worked, more or less, until the end... At the end of the radio spot they had a 'disclaimer'. You know what I'm talking about.. the whispered small print. There disclaimer was: Price does not include federal aviation tax of $3.15 per takeoff and per landing...

Wha.. Wha.. WHAT? PER takeoff and PER landing. Is this necessary? I was under the impression those two figures should be the same. Hmm Let's do the math. I take off in Atlanta.... .... ... do you think I don't assume there will be a landing?

It's like they were telling me, subconsciously, you might not have a landing.. ha ha ha .. They could have said a $6.30 charge per connection, per flight, per SOMETHING. At least then I wouldn't have the feeling they were suggesting that my plane might not, under some circumstances, be landing on a runway somewhere.

So, dad.. the next time I fly to Canada, if the plane explodes into a fiery ball of death, make sure you get the $3.15 refund from the Feds.. Cuz I never got to use my "landing" charge.