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Letters to Nowhere

Monday, November 22, 2004

Back to work at ABC insurance

Insurance Customer: “I had to get up Saturday night to fry cheese.”

Uh yeah... sure!

Anyway, I’m back to my ‘real’ job for the first time since my accidental overdose last week. I have been worried about all the drama in my life having affected my reputation as #1 a self sufficient worker #2 a person that can get things done #3 being dependable.

I don’t know if it has or not, but I know that most of my coworkers spent the day tip towing around me. I’ve never quite caused that reaction before. I’m not particularly volatile, nor have I tried to give that impression. God what must they think after last Monday... My boss, god love him, just told everyone I was sick. Very few people are aware of the true details. I’m perfectly happy keeping it that way.

So with no further ado, things NOT to do when calling your insurance company

1. When I ask for your policy number, if you don’t have it, please just say I don’t have it. Don’t tell me your life story and use it to support why you can’t remember a 10 digit number. (See the above “I had to get up to fry cheese” statement for an example of what I don’t care to know)

2. If you’re buying a new car please don’t expect me to be pissing myself with excitement. I’ll give you the ole “wow that’s great. I’m looking forward to getting a new car soon” line, but I really, really... no REALLY don’t want to know everything about it. Nor do I want to hear your fascinating recount of how you “jew’ed” the dealer down a thousand bucks.

3. When asked, “what state do you live in” the proper response should not be: Brooklyn, Springfield, Miami, China town, Cincinnati, Houston etc. The question was What STATE do you live in?

4. Please speka engrish well enough to ask for an interpreter. If you can’t tell me what language you are speaking, I can’t get you someone that also speaks your language.

5. If I ask for your first name and you say “john smith”, please be expecting me to then ask you, “Do you hyphenate that first name or just run it all together?”

And just think, I’m well rested and happy to be back at work. LMAO


  • Glad to see you are doing better. I can see the overdose didnt do much damage to your sense of humor.

    How about one where people can speak english, can also tell what their first names are but the names are hard to spell and they dont know how to spell.

    "First name?"
    "Can you please spell it for me?"
    P as in Peeyush, e as in eeyush, e as in eyush...

    -Pierce (spelled P-e-e-y-u-s-h)

    By Blogger Peeyush, at 6:19 PM  

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