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Letters to Nowhere

Friday, November 12, 2004

Phone Fear

Given all that has happened in my life in the last 6 weeks, I think it is understandable that I have a mild fear of my phone.

When the phone rings, and I’m not expecting a call, I get an ice water stomach and my palms start to sweat. After a few days of cringing whenever someone called, I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss it with her.

I saw her yesterday, we discussed my situation. She was understanding and gave me all the normal platitudes: “There’s only so much one person can take”, “You have to stay strong for your son’s sake”, “There is no shame in seeking help from me”, and (the ever popular) “It will get easier with time”

She also gave me a prescription for generalized anxiety. I have to go back for two follow up appointments to see how I’m doing and to do blood work. Oh goody...

I realize that a very large number of people are given anxiety meds, anti depressants, and anti psychotics. Given the fact that I’ve had one other stress induced anxiety/panic timeframe in my life, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

My doc and I both agreed I didn’t want or need to be a mindless, emotionless zombie. She took care to let me know that this would not interfere with my natural grieving process or day to day activities. It should, however, prevent the fight or flight feeling when the phone rings unexpectedly. God, I hope so…


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