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Letters to Nowhere

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Nature or Nuture?

I've not posted much lately. That can be caulked up to the fact I've had 4 dental appointments (2 for me and 2 for my son) and 2 vet appointments (for my cat) in the last 7 days.

Today my son and I went to the dentist together. He had to have a small filling. I was there for a cleaning.

Later, after the appointment, my landlord/babysitter called to ask who my dentist was. I told her it was Dr Lee in Gray Georgia. She said she didn't know him. When I asked why she was calling to ask, she explained that my son had told her that her her daughter knew him (the dentist).

I further explained, "His name is Daniel or maybe Denny, something like that... "

She suddendly said " Oh Danny Lee, yeah I know him"

My son, who has NEVER met a person he couldn't talk to at ease, while he had his FILLING put in managed to determine that my dentist knew my landlord's daughter. (note my landlord is 70 years old.)

How could two such INTROVERT (I make very few good friends, and even then tend to neglect them if/when "life" happens, his father was even worse) parents, as myself and his father, have such a gregarious kid? I have NO idea.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

No more cave tours for me

I spent the evening with my cousin and his partner tonight. Last weekend the three of us, with my son, toured 2 caves.

I'm glad we went BEFORE we watched tonight's movie "The Decent" This is a good horror flick. It is very gory in parts, made me and Chris scream out loud more than once, and has officially ended my cave touring forever.


Thursday, March 15, 2007

A weekend mini vacation .

My cousin, his life-partner (Jim), myself, and my son left Saturday morning for a 7 hour drive to central Kentucky. We were off to visit a several places.

Dinosaur World was the #1 "real" reason for the trip. My cousin had seen it from the interstate on a trip back home months ago. We'd promised my son we'd take him to see it. Truth to tell we'd promised this to him for his birthday. Which was 2 months ago.

Even still. We adults were waiting because there was a possibility that my husband might come with us. Sadly that wasn't possible. So we planned the vacation with a few things in mind. We'd see Dinosaur Land, and the Mammoth Caves.

Yes, we saw Dinosaur World.. It was by far the most "cool" part of our trip.

The greatest picture of our trip, was one that Jim (my cousin's partner) and my son took. It was perfect. Jim is a 40+ year old man. BUT my son and JIM in a back seat is EXACTLY like having 2 - 10 year olds in the back. They were cracking up over farts.. They almost died laughing over the fact my son could pooch out his stomach and pop his top button! Both my cousin (Jim's "husband/Partner") and I had to yell over our shoulders more than once. "BOYS, DO NOT MAKE ME HAVE TO PULL THIS CAR OVER!!!" Then Chris and I would both would end up laughing at the pure oddness of it.

So yeah the picture of them being "eaten" was and IS the Picture of the trip!

My son had never had a chance to spend a night in a motel. He was sooo psyched. Motels in moves are SOOO COOL! Can you tell? Soo.. Sunday Morning we went to explore Caves.

Mammoth Caves!
Mammoth Caves (the largest cavern system in the world to be explored) was pretty boring. If you want to see huge caverns carved by water it's great. It's very dark, very dusty, very.. um.. boring.. Woo-hoo hole in the ground.. 2 hours of Big Hole In The Ground!!

Not so cool for us; Not what we expected. It was.. uh.. a big.. hole..

After that we noticed we had enough time to visit a "Tourist Trap" cave. I'll be the first to say. DO NOT visit mammoth caves if you want to see any type of "cave formation" Go to Diamond Caverns. OMG. .. The beauty of this 1/4 mile cave is almost impossible to vocalize.


The more hilarious (read that sarcastic) notes of our weekend should be reserved for a different post... Still.. Mammoth Vrs Diamond Caverns.. Go for the Diamonds....

OH yeah, just in case you were wondering: you have 2 choices:

Snakes on a plane


James (my son) in a Car.

We prayed for Snakes on a Plane............

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Insomnia, and 3 Seasons of TV

I've had severe insomnia, meaning I spend weeks, sometimes months, not sleeping more than 2-4 hours a night, for close to 20 years.

One thing most people don't know is that I do not watch television. Oh, I know you've heard that before, but I might watch 1 or 2 hours of TV in a month. And that only while I was passing through rooms at my mother's house, or out of politeness at some other relatives. I've never seen or wanted to a single episode of American Idol, the last Doctor I can remember watching on TV was Quincy, and the last series I liked was "that 70's show" which I stopped watching in it's third year.

When I hear of a TV series that I would have (I say "would have" because I almost never watch it when it's on TV) liked, I'll try to get an entire season of episodes to watch. That way if I do like it I'm not stranded and jones'n for the next episode, but if I don't like it.. Well, I'm not really committed.

My husband has tipped me off to several programs I've LOVED. A few others have pointed me to a few more.
Sadly, between stress and insomnia I've watched 24 episodes of a British comedy in the last.. hmm.. 4 days?!. Yeah, four days. You also have to take into account the fact I ONLY watch them between (roughly) midnight and six AM. It's even more ironic that it is me, the person who doesn't watch TV.

So where do my "sleep" hours go? I get home at 5 pm, supervise homework, feed and water the pets, and my son, of course. Then it's time for his bath, laundry and getting ready for the next day. My son goes to bed at 9:30 PM. I usually call my husband around 10 PM my time (8 PM his) We talk until 11 or 11:30, sometimes later, sometimes sooner.. but it averages out to about midnight by the time I find my bed.

Sleep, however, is an odd, and very elusive, deceptive and tricky thing. For months sometimes, I can only catch it my hand for only 1 or 2 hours a day. Sometimes, for a change I'll wake up every 30 mins to an hour, afraid every time I wake up that I've missed the alarm clock and will be or are late fore work. (woo-friken-hoo) A few times a year I'll sleep for 12 - 15 hours a day for 2 or 3 days. None of the results are satisfying, and I end up, at Seven AM to wake my son up and we start our day.

So .. we are at the title explanation.

As much as I've enjoyed this comedy series, I've watched all that I can for awhile. When this season is released I'll probably watch it, but for now it is much like masturbation.

I like the concept of it, but it has no more surprises. I've seen all the scenes currently available. I know all the twists and turns. All dramatic tension, and surprises are now known.

For the moment, all I can do is repeat what I already know. But, eventually one of two things will happen:

1. Either this year's season of the series will be released on DVD
or (pray for us)
2. I join my husband (May the Gods and the Canadian Government be willing). Then I shouldn't need TV or self indulgence.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Teaching definitions...My way

Tonight my son (age 10) had to write 10 sentences using his spelling words. He HATES homework. After hemming, hawwing and trying to change the subject more than once I kept saying, "HOMEWORK!" At which point he'd drag along a few minutes before another diversion.

The third word was "Reveal". He says, "I know a great sentence. I will reveal your secret identity." This was complete with him walking across the room and pulling an imaginary mask off my head, and him making the Ta-DA! gesture.

I admired his sentence, and asked if he could simply tell me what the word meant. He could explain it in context, which is good. Ex: The map revealed where the treasure was. He then tried to go off on a tangent again. "Mom what if we found a treasure map, what would you do? (oh dear lord, rolling my eyes and thinking: Lather, Rinse, Repeat)

Finally I said, "If you don't sit down and do that homework I'm going to REVEAL how irritated I'm getting." He meekly went back to work.

A few minutes later: He asked me what "melancholy" meant (melancholy on a third grade spelling test?).. I defined it a being somewhat sad, or disappointed. Five minutes later he still hadn't written a sentence. I said icily, "You will be very MELANCHOLY if I have to put you on restriction for not doing your work!"

Meek, mild and diligent (for 30 seconds or so.. ugh!). The final word (praise the gods! the LAST word!) was "Sufficient". It was then after 9:00 pm. He should have long since been done with homework, showered, and ready for bed. I gritted my teeth through five more minutes of BS'ing before I said, conversationally, "You have SUFFICIENT time to finish that homework before I start planning how to hide your body! But ONLY if you get to work right NOW!"

He laughed and reminded me I'd go to jail if I killed him. I reminded him I'd have to be caught, and gave him our odd, and intentionally 'crazy eye' look. He laughed more ;) .. Oh yeah, you can tell I strike fear in his heart.. sigh

Brain Fart A.K.A. I've got 'married' thinking now

For those that don't know my husband and I currently live 3500 miles apart. I'm in deep south-east USA; he's in north central Canada.

My husband called me a few minutes ago to ask me a question. I realized a few minutes later that I was out of cat food. So what did I do?

I called my husband to say, "Hey hun, I'm going to the store for a few things. Do you need anything?.. (I can hear him laughing at me, then it hits me).. err I mean have another question or something?"

He was laughing at me. With good reason.

Monday, March 05, 2007

MEN! What do you say?

My husband recommended a British comedy show to me.

Here's a transcript of the part I have found, to date, most hilarious.
A man defending lesbian porn found by his girlfriend.

Woman: Why {expanded question: do all the women in “Lesbian Inferno Spankings” want a spanking?}

Man: (weakly) umm.. sisterhood?

Woman: How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?

Man: (snapping under the stress of being grilled at a dinner party of SEVEN) BECAUSE IT’S GOT NAKED WOMEN IN IT! Look, I LIKE naked women, I’m a man. I’m supposed to like them! We are BORN like that. WE LIKE NAKED WOMEN AS SOON AS WE’RE PULLED OUT OF ONE! Half way down the birth canal we are already enjoying the VIEW!
{personal note: I was almost swallowing my tongue at this point to keep quiet while I BRAYED inward laughter while my son slept}

Man: (continuing) LOOK it’s the FOUR pillars of the MALE HETEROSEXUAL psyche WE LIKE:

1. Naked Women
2. Stockings
3. Lesbians
4. AND Sean Connery best as James Bond!

Because THAT is what Being A Boy IS! And if you don’t like it darling, Join the Film Collective {of lesbians}

Man: (Continuing in a maniacal speach) When man invented FIRE, he didn't say, "Hey! Let's cook!" He said, "GREAT! Now we can see naked bottoms in the DARK!" We've turned the INTERNET into an ENORMOUS database of, Naked Bottoms!!

(speaking calmly now) So you see. The story of man's achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of 'our struggle to get a better look at your {pointing to the women of the room} bottoms'!

The men start to applaud.

By this point I'm almost dead. If I'd had enough oxygen to call for 911 I should have. I was truly almost paralyzed with sarcastic laughter!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Bad Weather, No School and a Haircut

Friday morning I drove my son to school to find no one there. We'd had severe weather the night before, including tornadoes.

I called work to advise them I wouldn't be there, and then set off to buy my son some shoes, and get him a haircut.

We had to wait 20 minutes before they could cut his hair. He at this point began to, by his behavior anyway, edge over the abyss of death. When I irritably asked what was wrong, he claimed he was going to die of thirst any second.

I told him we'd get lunch after his hair cut. But no.. that wouldn't do. Surely by that time he'd have dried up, withered away, and have perished. *sigh. I fished a buck twenty-five out of my purse and bought him a soda.

He got his hair cut; I paid, and we headed off to lunch. I'd forgotten that I'd not activated my new debit card until we were in line to pay. I dug through my purse in search of cash. I was 98 CENTS short.

As we walked out the door my son looked at me and said in a reproving tone, "If you hadn't bought that drink we would have had enough money for lunch."


Saturday, March 03, 2007

Why I hate Canadians:

This is a book my husband (a Canadian) gave me as a present some time ago. The book is by Will Ferguson, a Canadian.

Quite possibly the most hilarious moment in the book (from my viewpoint) is when the author is flying home from Japan, and by some chance is seated next to another Canadian. They get into a conversation about Japan, politics and why he is flying home. He asks her (and I'm paraphrasing from memory from here until I state so) why she is proud to be a Canadian.

She replies, "Well, we are .. Nice"

"Nice?!" Will replies. He mentions, sarcastically to her, that while Canada may not have the biggest, or most powerful military, financial, or economical influence in the world that they are "nice?" as the Mrs put it.

She sniffs and says, "Well, if you're nice all that other stuff doesn't matter." (end paraphrase)

The Canadian that wrote the book then goes into a diatribe that had me, AND my Canadian Husband truly CRYING tears of laughter.

He states how odd it is that most Canadians will say they, as a country, are "nice" and he points out that Canadians have taken one of the most bland and meaningless discrptives in the English language and proudly claimed it as theirs. NICE! We are NICE! AKA (my opinion) WE are mashed potatoes withOUT gravy!!!

Most Americans are Clueless. And I was too, .. until I knew, and eventualy married a man in Canada.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

A World of Ignorance (and it's a small world, after all)

My wife and I had a discussion this evening, after she endured a challenging day. She was certainly justified in her annoyance, although I came away feeling just as annoyed. I'd like to make a few comments about ignorance.

Here in Canada, we suffer from a decided shortsightedness regarding the United States. Most of what we exposed to is disgorged in the popular media. This being CNN, Fox, and the major networks. Movies and novels add to the mix. The general picture is that of a huge patriotism, great pride in the nation, and a celebration of their sense of being. Canadians, while not as demostrative about their country, do exibit these same qualities. However, I don't think we suffer from the xenophobia that one might see on Main Street USA.

Since my wife and I have been married, these four months, she has had a few people talk to her about when she's moving, and wondering why she is doing so. There are not that many differences between people in the US and Canada. For the most part, we watch the same TV, eat a lot of the same foods (except for some unique dishes I had not been exposed to when visiting the woman of my dreams), and have exposure to the same media outlets. Now, I grant, the Canadian slant to world news will be somewhat different, but generally we get the same sources for world news. There aren't that many glaring differences between us.

I have always had a belief that stems from something Martin Luther King said. In a speech he said something about not judging someone by the colour of one's skin, but by the content of their character. I paraphrase this in my own head, and just say that it's better to judge someone by their character, not by what they are. You know, I don't think anyone has ever asked me what my wife is; black, white, Jewish, Muslim, Asian, or whatever. No, I can't think of a time. But to be truthful, our ignorance is like our patriotism; something we hide. But it's there, all the same.

My name sounds like a classic American Jewish name. Funny that I've heard this so little. But the family, on both sides, are Christian from way back. And it's a German name, with roots stretching back to White Russia. Doesn't matter; I'm your typical WASP Canadian. As far as Canadians go, we got all kinds. We may look and sound different, some of us. But for the most part, we wave the same flag on Canada Day (July 1). And celebrate the differences.

If the above two paragraphs seem incongruous, it's true. Remember me mentioning content of Character? My other theory is that it doesn't matter where you're from or who you are, there is always the same percentage of boneheads in the population. Those precious few who see differences and can't stand them, because they are different. Perhaps in some areas, they cluster. I bring this up, because my wife has been questioned about the wisdom of marrying a "foreigner" and moving to a "foreign" country. And this happens continuously. Coupled with a birthday, and some family challenges, it was an especially crummy day. Due to the exposure to a slanted press, I expect, many people in her area seem to feel that if it's not in the US, it can't be good, healthy or pious, and that being exposed to these rogues are a danger to right-thinking folks. I've always wanted to be a rogue, just not in that way.

In a world of ignorance, it's easy to slap a label on people. But I learned long ago that folks are pretty much the same, and if they are open-minded to new ideas and people, they discover this. Regrettably, the percentages say that there are just as many boneheads here as anywhere else. I suppose the difference is we're more polite about it? To those people who think my wife is crazy to leave, perhaps that's the lesson they should learn.