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Letters to Nowhere

Friday, September 30, 2005

From friendly to catty with one

Yawn or Hiss?simple sentence.

I was talking to a dealer today about how a leased vehicle is listed on an auto policy.

He was making a common mistake with regard to the type of legal protection lease companies get under the policy endorsements.

I was giving him a crash course. 1. The additional insured is protected from law suits by the liability on the policy. That is why leased cars are usually required to carry higher liability limits. 2. The loss payee aka lienholder is covered by the physical damage portion.

Then he said it "No darlin' that's not how it works. I've been a dealer for 2 years. The loss payee has nothing to do with comprehensive and collision. Don't worry your learn it eventually, darlin'.


Me: "Pardon me? I, sir, have been a insurance agent for the last 7 years. I am licensed to sell and service policies in 13 states. I'm sorry, When did you say you got your property and casualty agents license?"

He got huffy. "I'll just call Ford MYSELF and we'll clear this up"

Me: "Go right ahead. Just make sure you bring me on the line to make sure there's no confusion."

Six minutes later, A changed man was on the phone with me. "Ma'am, I stand corrected. The woman with Ford set me straight. You are correct."

Me: Yes sir.. now did you want that faxed?, I asked sweetly.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


You know… I really like toast. No… No I LOVE toast. Hot buttered toast… mmmm

When my mother says she wants butter on her toast what she really means is she doesn't want butter. She may as well just hold up the toast in one hand, the butter in the other and say, “I'd like you to meet Mr. Butter” and then tap the toast against the outside of the butter dish. What she really does is scrape up a layer of butter that is approximately 4 molecules deep, and then spreads the SMELL over the bread.

You know those little pats of butter they used to give in restaurants, the little cardboard square with the wax paper covering the little square of butter? Yeah… well she'd use that on a whole LOAF of toast.

I don’t like a lot of butter. I do want enough that for a fraction of a mili-second you can actually see a hint of yellow on the bread before it melts. Come on work with me here! Is that too much to ask WOMAN?!? .. Um… yeah where was I... Hi mom!

So, I like toast. Hot buttered toast that actually has some physical butter spread on it.

Friday, September 23, 2005

The gift of grief

My son and I had an appointment today with the therapist that is trying to help him come to terms with my brother's death.

It was our 2nd meeting; the first consisting mostly of me giving her some family back ground. Boy, was that a story in and of itself.

James was fairly nervous. He knows this isn't a friend. He knows she will talk to him about "Uncle John". He started being silly and acting up, acting very much younger than his 8 years. While he's in the bathroom she assures me his behavior is normal. He's stressed. It happens.

She suggests she and I talk.. almost like he wasn't in the room. "Some kids hear best when they overhear" she says. I know exactly what she means. So we do. She asks me what I'd like to see come of our family meetings. I tell her I feel like I can't quite offer James what he needs to comfort him. We talk about how James seems to be effected by the loss... How his sleep is disrupted... How I am doing/dealing with the loss of a brother... How glad I am to have had the time I did with my brother before he died.

James has stopped coloring and is silently crying. It breaks my heart to see and I call him up on my lap and tell him the things he's heard so many times while she watches quietly.

You know Uncle John loved us very much, right? He wouldn't want you to be sad. He probably misses being with us too. But he'd never want you to cry. He'd want you to remember how much fun you had with him.

It's OK to be sad and cry sometimes. But I think he'd rather you laugh at the memory of him being silly and playing with you. Uncle John is very lucky.. If he had not moved to Georgia he would have never known you very well. And you are lucky.. You got to love and play and really get to be a very good friend for Uncle John. You're going to be OK.. it will get better.. a little at a time.

I asked if he knew I loved him.. when he shook his head No.. I said in a shocked voice.. OH MY goodness. I'm not doing my job! My James doesn't know I love him.. oh what shall I do.. they're gonna put me jail.. in an admittedly silly and over exaggerated voice that all ways makes him smile..

As we were leaving she asked me if I'd ever read the book "The Gift of Grief". It's about how grief is a sign that you've loved. It asks the question, "Would you rather never have known/loved that person to save yourself the pain of grief?".

As James walked ahead and out of ear shot I said "Do you remember when you asked me last visit how I felt about finding my brother's body? That was my gift, my blessing. I had the chance to tell him I loved him, to kiss him, to smooth his hair back one last time before the strangers took him away and painted him up for the family. I'd never give up that last 10 minutes with him."

She smiled at me.. took me by the hand and said "You did well comforting him. There's not much else you can say to a child. He doesn't understand the gift of grief. I'm glad you do. It will help me help him. I'll see you two in two weeks. Oh and you're right. He will be OK. You both will."

But damn I miss him...

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Bring on the clowns..

Sigh.. there are days that working for an insurance company is.. well .. it's challenging. My often sarcastic sense tries to overwhelm my common sense.

With another huge hurricane heading into the south people are panicking. At least Katrina did remind people that there really IS something worry about.

In the areas around Houston, gas is a commodity with power at the moment. Huge lines, actual fighting in some areas, and already increased gas prices are causing no end of difficulties.

One of the calls I received today was from a frantic woman trying to evacuate. She ran out of gas and wanted her roadside service (something she has on her insurance policy) to bring her some. I advised her that we could have someone bring her $10 worth of gas. She begins to call me everything but the sweet woman I am.

"I'm TOTALLY OUT OF GAS. I need A LOT of GAS!" she shrieks. She continues with "All the gas stations around here are either out of gas or have an hour WAIT!"

I understand ma'am. However, we can not transport large volumes of gas for safety and financial reason. And sadly, due to the grid lock of evacuees it will about about 2 hours before the truck can get to you. That's what I really said... what I WANTED to say was .. uh.. honey? You do realize the tow truck is also in Houston.. where the HELL do you think HE'S going to get gas? Huh? HUH? By waiting in line! For an HOUR! If he can find it AT ALL.

I feel for these people.. I really do. Now here's where I'm going to irritate a few people.. but hell it's my blog.. Darlin.. A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for me.

There's also the rush of people trying to add Comprehensive coverage to their vehicles because a storms on the way.. sorry .. it just don't work that way. We are in a freeze for new physical damage coverage. And..And.. that's doubly true when you have been driving around with NO insurance at all.

Him: I'd like to add Comp to my policy.
Me: I'll look into that for you. What's your policy number? uh huh.. ok. Sir? Were you aware that your policy canceled 4 months ago for non-payment?
Him: Really? Wow I didn't realize?
Me: (thinking it) wow I guess ya didn't realize you hadn't written us a check for 5 months.

I was actually looking forward to my over time today. My OT doesn't involve me being on the phone.. strictly data entry.. Yay! Carpal Tunnel do your Worst!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Me .. violent?

Only if you call me the evil nickname.

Robotic Electronic Device Calibrated for Logical Observation, Violence and Efficient Repair

Saturday, September 17, 2005

I had to talk him ..

bored = this
Originally uploaded by red clover.
out of the big string of cheesy fake pearls.

Some days you just gotta take a break and have fun. This was one of those days..

The great thing about having a kid is you get to be a kid yourself.

Man, I needed that.

Yall have a great weekend.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Pro: Time and a half & Helping survivors

Con: Bone deep tired.

So.. where have I been? The same place I'm going to be for a few weeks, for at least 11 hours a day or so.

I'm an insurance agent.. nuff said.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

When I was a kid..

I asked my son to turn down the TV. He looked around didn't see the remote and said, "oh man! I'm gonna have WALK all the way over there."

All friken 4 feet.

That's where I wanted to launch into a "When I was a kid we had to walk to the TV every single time you wanted to change the channel or adjust the volume.. UPHILL both ways.. In KNEE HIGH shag carpet!"

Kids.. they just don't have a sense of humor.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

The doc is in..

For whatever reason I end up being the one people come to with the odd questions about sex. I really do start to feel like Georgia's answer to Dr Ruth at times. All things considered it's interesting and a bit disturbing the questions I get.

Questions about STDs, about how the female anatomy works, what's a cervix.. ah the joy of knowledge.

This came up when my cousin called to ask if a man can get a urinary tract infection from a woman. A bit more background information and I conclude no, he probably didn't "catch" it from her like a cold. She had one at one time but they weren't sleeping together then. We talk about urethra's and kidney/bladder health for a bit. He thanks me and hangs up.

His area of expertise is animals. I can't think how many times I've called him to ask things like.. "Can I give Tylenol to a cat?, What should the lizard's poop look like?, Can a cat get a yeast infection?" (I thought he was going to have me committed for that one lol)

We joked a few days ago that we should open an advice column to make Ann Landers cringe.

Questions about Sex and Animals! Of course the first time we got a question about with sex with animals we'd both be on the rampage.. sigh.. It was a good idea while it lasted.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

How much lovin' is too much lovin'

One of the ladies at work was complaining of being tired a few days ago. I made the mistake of asking why. Her current "pretend husband", her term not mine, is a 3 hour lover.

Now to clarify that, we aren't talking about including foreplay, dinner, disrobing, a movie or anything other than the tab A into slot B portion of the festivities. He's a real, non stop not a single missed stroke in 3 hours, lover.

While this in theory sounds good, in reality it kinda sucks. After awhile you get TIRED! Your legs, hips, back, knees etc start hurting. She said at one point she actually spoke aloud "Now I know what a rape victim feels like" Men.. that's the clue to STOP. hahahahaha

Seriously though.. all us ladies chipped in and decided that as long as you've taken the time to pre-heat the oven *really good oral/foreplay etc* that all we really need is 20-45 mins and we are happy.

One lady went so far as to say, "anything over 10 mins is just gravy. That's just him having fun. I've already gotten mine."

I can relate to what she means. I mean really, 3 hours!

Sure the "it's Sunday morning and we're barely moving, kisses, and touches" 3 hour love-a-thon are great from time to time. But I am not a friken tambourine. If you think you're going to be pounding me for 3 hours .. well I hate it.. I've got stuff that I need to do.. now let me up so I can fix a sandwich!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Haven't earned that privilege

I received a hasty Instant Message from my brother yesterday. He's currently attending college at Norwich University as a member of the Corps of Cadets.

He is currently in the "rook training" portion of his first year.

An aside: I love this quote from the "rook training" site.. "Rook Orientation culminates with the annual "Dog River Run," a one-mile run down the Dog River *snip* Cold, wet and tired, you will begin to understand the pride and passion that is felt by all Norwich Cadets, past and present."

Brother: Hey, I'm not supposed to be on here, but I wanted to give you my mailing address. Norwich University, blah blah blah Northfield VT

Me: Great I'll let mom and Chris know. Do you have a phone number yet?

Brother: I haven't earned that privilege yet lol

Me: Well let me know when you get one.. lol How's it going?

Brother: Good, Tough. I haven't had much sleep in the last 2 days

Me: Keep your nose clean and work your ass off and you'll be fine

Brother: I have been. I had a day off today. I decided to go to the gym and then the library instead of sitting on my ass all day.

Ladies and gents.. I about fell over in shock. My brother's idea of a day off is working hard at holding down the couch and making sure the chips and soda don't fly away.

Me: I'm glad you're doing alright. How'd your bday go? (he turned 18 nine days after he started school)

Brother: Well...I did ALOT of pushups. Hey I gotta go.

Me: Ok talk to you later. I love ya bro. Bye

So he seems to be doing well. I think they are keeping him to busy to be homesick.

Saturday, September 03, 2005


My father called last night to tell me my grandmother has cancer. They are going to be running tests next week to see how bad it is. We don't have a timeline at this point.

Please no..

For much of my growing up she was the only woman in my life. My father was a single father at a time when that was unheard of. She would pick me up from day care and we'd play Uno, Hearts, and Rummy. We'd watch Star Trek. We'd cook and clean together until dad got home from work.

Please no..

She's already said she wont have chemo, radiation, or surgery. She's ready to go. She's lived a good and full life. Her husband, the only grandfather I ever knew (on dad's side anyway), passed away 5 years ago.

ugh.. hasn't enough happened in my family lately. All we can do is hope and pray. I hope ...