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Letters to Nowhere

Monday, March 05, 2007

MEN! What do you say?

My husband recommended a British comedy show to me.

Here's a transcript of the part I have found, to date, most hilarious.
A man defending lesbian porn found by his girlfriend.

Woman: Why {expanded question: do all the women in “Lesbian Inferno Spankings” want a spanking?}

Man: (weakly) umm.. sisterhood?

Woman: How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?

Man: (snapping under the stress of being grilled at a dinner party of SEVEN) BECAUSE IT’S GOT NAKED WOMEN IN IT! Look, I LIKE naked women, I’m a man. I’m supposed to like them! We are BORN like that. WE LIKE NAKED WOMEN AS SOON AS WE’RE PULLED OUT OF ONE! Half way down the birth canal we are already enjoying the VIEW!
{personal note: I was almost swallowing my tongue at this point to keep quiet while I BRAYED inward laughter while my son slept}

Man: (continuing) LOOK it’s the FOUR pillars of the MALE HETEROSEXUAL psyche WE LIKE:

1. Naked Women
2. Stockings
3. Lesbians
4. AND Sean Connery best as James Bond!

Because THAT is what Being A Boy IS! And if you don’t like it darling, Join the Film Collective {of lesbians}

Man: (Continuing in a maniacal speach) When man invented FIRE, he didn't say, "Hey! Let's cook!" He said, "GREAT! Now we can see naked bottoms in the DARK!" We've turned the INTERNET into an ENORMOUS database of, Naked Bottoms!!

(speaking calmly now) So you see. The story of man's achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of 'our struggle to get a better look at your {pointing to the women of the room} bottoms'!

The men start to applaud.

By this point I'm almost dead. If I'd had enough oxygen to call for 911 I should have. I was truly almost paralyzed with sarcastic laughter!


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