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Letters to Nowhere

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Fork you

While putting up the dishes it occurred to me that the Olympics are not the only event to happen every 4 years, at least not in my house.

I am now down to just two forks. Why? How? It's a phenomenon I call The Great Fork Migration. Back when my son was younger the Great Spoon Migration happened pretty frequently. I'd go out into the yard, look into the sandbox and find half a dozen spoons, beaten, battered, almost unrecognizable.

Now it's the forks. I know exactly what will happen if I go out and buy replacement forks. About 4 nano-seconds after I unpack the new forks I'll start to find the old. It's an indepth mindgame my flatware plays with me; I'm sure of it. I'll start to see a fork poking out from under the sofa, I'll find 3 in the butter knife compartment. They will be laying there smugly. Almost as if they are saying.. ha ha.. we were laying on our sides, Fooled ya!

The two forks I have now are not even a matched set. They are clearly the retard forks, the ones that couldn't find a good hiding place. Or maybe they're the lazy ones. I don't know. All I know is that my flatware doesn't wear out. It just.. goes away.

One day in the coming months, I'll be putting away dishes and find that I own, roughly, eleventy hundred forks. They'll have all come out of hiding a migrated back into the sink during the night.. or maybe it's some form of reproduction. Maybe there is a fork orgy going on right now under my sofa, or behind the crockpot. I can almost imagine them there, a big wad of forks all the tines intertwined, looking like a bizarre man made octopus.

My house is one of many mysteries. Some I've solved, some I haven't. The forks are having their day.


  • I'd bet $$ that your missing forks are living in sin somewhere with all of my missing socks. Did laundry this weekend, and all of earls were there, an so were kiddo's, I ended up with 6 full pairs and bout 10 strays. I hope they're happy wherever they are in fork/sockdom!!

    By Blogger reesie, at 12:13 AM  

  • Oh for fork sakes! didn't you know they cupulate while we sleep?..They also get kinky with the spoons ..every see a fork getting spooned? it's not pretty. Some knives have even been known to cut up with the bunch but thats to be expected since they basically all lie together.Oh and lets not forget all the heavy metal they listen too....SHEESH!!

    By Blogger moon, at 12:14 PM  

  • LMAO!!!

    Ermmm Red?

    I hate to tell ya this girlfriend...

    But you got some weird ass friends!!!


    Ps....have you ever noticed that this word verification thingie sometimes almost spells out real words?! Mine this time was Rubnx. Yanno the new hemmoroid cream that's sweeping the nation and taking care of everyone's pain in the ass!

    By Blogger Shannon, at 4:01 PM  

  • When my kids were small it was socks two went in the washer one came out

    By Anonymous mellowyellow, at 10:13 AM  

  • Wow...I have spoons that have that same problem! My daughter sticks spoons in her ice cream shake cups and sticks them in the freezer to eat later. Of course she never eat them later and my husband will clean out the freezer throwing out shake with spoon still quite fused to the ice cream - and also quite hidden under the lid! We have 4 spoons now!!

    By Blogger SavedByGrace, at 10:51 PM  

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