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Letters to Nowhere

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Playful Breasts

I was wandering around the internet and found Bodyperks (tm) nipple enhancements. (Recommended slogan: For when you want to feel even MORE like an object!)

The product description said: "bodyperks comfortably stay in place and give you the added attraction of playful, fun breasts."

Whew! Boy am I glad I'm not the only person with playful breasts. I can't TELL you how many times I've finally broken down and had to say "OK ladies! I told you only ONE more game of parchesi. We've got to go to work in the morning!"

I mean really, how many times can you hear the same jokes, watch the miniature badminton games, and try for a (bellybutton) hole-in-one miniature golf before you tire of it...

My breasts:

Do impressions... "No! I don't want to see your impression of a wall-eyed albino."

Play Charades: "Swing low sweet chariot" and the Double Mint Double your Fun theme songs being two of their favorites.

Tell jokes: "I already know the punch line.. sigh.. if we hang any lower people are gonna think you're a couple of nuts.. uh huh"

Now you know the truth behind my insidious insomnia. It's not stress, or hormones... It's my playful breasts. They just wont stop!

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Edit 10:03 PM On a MUCH more serious note: Anduin has a great post on "Issues of the Heart" and how pain affects us as time goes by. It even brought a tear to my stony (aka over bearing bitch) eye.

5 Comments:

  • Just wanted to say 'thanks for stopping by Quarter Rest!' and, uh, good luck with the playful breasts... :D (When I figure out what I did somewhere along the way to shut mine up, I'll be sure and let you know.)

    By Blogger Jenn, at 1:08 AM  

  • This is hilarious! Yeah, my breasts are party animals! I can't get anything done.

    Thanks for mentioning my post. I sat down to write a poem and that popped out instead. Some things just need to be said.

    By Blogger Anduin, at 1:34 AM  

  • All breasts should be playful!

    ;)

    -G

    By Blogger Garrison Steelle, at 7:42 AM  

  • Hmm playfull eh?...Geez..I think mine are just bullies..they hurt my back, they lumber around aimlessly making me wish they werent there..their only use really is amusing Chris..but even then, if he wants to play with them, he has to warn me ..'' I'm going in!'' so I can time him so he doesn't die in there from suffication...once inside the realm of cleavage those suckers close like a steel trap!!!..anyone gotta a snorkal mask for sale cheep btw?

    By Blogger moon, at 2:27 PM  

  • Hahahahaha! I fucking HATE shit like that. Women have enough to worry about without having to deal with the hassle of prosthetic nipples.

    By Blogger Blueprincesa, at 9:42 PM  

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