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Letters to Nowhere

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

What was the turning point?


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Originally uploaded by red clover.
I really don't know what was the final straw that led to me having weight loss surgery.

I was a very healthy obese person. My blood pressure made my doctors want to sing. My cholesterol was so good the woman checked it twice. I didn't have any pain in my joints, back .. whatever.

However, I did have a son. AND a family that has obesity tendencies. I noticed that everyone eventually ended up diabetic, fighting pain, heart disease and blood pressure. The medical problems only increased as they got older. And I had a reason to want to live.

Ultimately I've always said I did it for my son. And that's really the truth. It had reached a point that sweeping and mopping the house was an ORDEAL. My house was sliding into nastiness as I just couldn't keep up. I would make excuses not to go to the park with my son.

So I fought the battle with my insurance company and won. I was one of the first my company ever paid for. My employer is self insured.. so in effect my job paid for it. It wasn't the easiest thing to get approval for. But I was and still am a hardheaded, stubborn, and often narrowly focused bitch when it suits my purposes (You can stop with the feigned look of shock now. Its not fooling me... ;)

Looking back you don't realize how much of your life is affected by weight. I would enter a room and search for a very sturdy chair With-Out arms. Armed chairs were almost never big enough for me. Closing the door to a bathroom stall was often a battle, I'd damn near have to straddle the toilet to have enough room to shut the door without hitting my stomach. Even bench seating in restaurants often left me pinched between the seat and the table. Thinner people take it for granted that they will fit on a carnival ride.. I didn't even try anymore. Hell, just getting thru the turnstile was an Olympic feat.

I feel better, I can do anything, I don't take for granted the little trivial things "skinny" people do.

Will I ever be skinny? No.. and I don't want to be. I can't imagine being less than an size 14 .. I don't want to. I love my curvy body. I loved it then too, but I realized all the ways it was holding me back.

And.. I set myself free.

3 Comments:

  • There's always that point in your life where you stop and say "Enough! I don't want this anymore". I'm glad that your surgery worked out for you and that you are happy with your results. It truly is awesome.

    By Blogger Anduin, at 7:48 PM  

  • I'm so proud of you hun... I understand the whole not ever wanting to be skinny... I look at some of the women at work and think...god she needs a good meal... I knew enough was enough one day... when I realized that (because I have short legs) I have to pull the drivers seat up more so that I can reach the peddles and I realized that the steering wheel was rubbing on my stomach when trying to turn corners... thats one of the many reasons I went and joined the gym ;)

    By Blogger Rae, at 3:00 AM  

  • I, too, am glad it worked out for you. I'm glad you are happy with yourself. So many women no matter their size just. . . aren't.

    By Blogger Justice, at 8:07 PM  

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