Kidney for sale..

only used for two decades*. Left or right kidney available today! Low introductory price! Cash or Debit only please. See small print for additional details.

* purchase soon, will be used for three decades in February. All hospital bills , recovery expenses and lost wages for the seller are to paid for in additional to purchase price by buyer.

OK.. so I'm exaggerating.. but not by much. I was recently sent a flier by my phone company. My little portion of Georgia, roughly the size of a pimple on a mule's ass, is now offering DSL.

The flier went on to explain, in print large and bright enough to make my stomach cramp and my eyes bleed, that this was a LOW INTRODUCTORY PRICE! It then had a teeny tiny line of legal print.

Long story short, I called. They would love, love, LOVE to give me DSL.. but.. only if I pay for the full first year and connection charge up front. Why? you ask... Due to circumstances totally out of my control (the death of two family members, and a garnishment due to identity theft *feking rat bastard credit cards companies and the abortion of justice laws in Georgia that only protect them.. erm.. yeah where was I? Oh yes.. ) I have been facing catastrophic financial difficulties. So, I've been late on my phone bill more than two times in the last year.

The good news.. the garnishment is now officially over, and I hope they fecking choke on that money.. but I digress.. yet again..

The garnishment is over, so I am finally able to catch up on all the little things that have been falling further and further behind. I figure it will take me a good solid month to break even again. You know.. The system that robs Peter to pay Paul? Well, it always has Paul's approval.. life's funny that way, innit?