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Letters to Nowhere

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Blah Blah Blah

aka... I'm in a funk.

Define a funk, you ask? Ok.. It's apathy. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'm restless, bored, and all around.. well.. in a funk. I can think of many things I'd love to be doing but can't for some reason. But, if truth be told even the things I'd "love" to be doing don't hold much interest for me right now. The one thing that would interest me.. enough to de-funk-ify me.. is out of my reach at the moment. C'est la vie.

So, why am I in a funk? I really don't know. It's not PMS. It's not depression. I think it's just stress more than anything. I went by and saw my brother for a few bit tonight and that was ok. We had a few great laughs, split the cost of a pizza from our meager funds, and played with the kid.

Maybe it's not apathy, maybe it's a touch of loneliness. Hell, I don't know. Truth be told I'm a bit wistful tonight, though I'll do my best to hide it. If anyone shows up to talk to that is lol. I miss the old gang in chat. The room was full, we knew each other, we had great times, we gossiped, comforted each other. I feel like I'm missing part of my family. I know why most of us went our separate ways. And I think most everyone does. But, shit I'd love to have the old gang together. Picking on pervs, flirting meaninglessly with each other, teasing our friends, sharing our stories. Oh well.

I feel like I've drifted away from most of the friends I did have. For many many reasons. I learned that alot of the "friends" I had, weren't. And as a result I pulled away from everyone for quite some time. Sorry guys... I was deeply and fundamentally disappointed/hurt by several people and I retreated.. my fault. So now I try to rebuild what has eroded during my self imposed exile. Try to establish new ties. But it can be hard. I often feel like I'm on the out side looking in. Again.. My fault .. I know. However..

I'm going to play some loud music, dance like no one is watching (thankfully no one is), and come back refreshed and hopefully de-funk-ified. It usually works when nothing else will. Wish me well.

4 Comments:

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:52 AM  

  • Your not alone in what your feeling hon. I think we're all sorta going through a funk and it will pass.

    By Blogger Anna, at 4:28 AM  

  • I have seen alot of changes in the last year. People from the old room who were there 24-7 (it seemed) suddenly vanishing off the face of the map. People who we thought we knew (and cared for)suddenly were troubled individuals who had fabricated everything they had ever told us. Cliques developed, feelings were hurt, umbridges taken ...you know how it goes. Suddenly abandoned by you (and others) lists are pared down. Lists that were ridiculously long, it came down to the "have I seen or spoken to this person in the last week or month" in order keep everything undercontrol. You became a victim of such a pare down. If your feelings were hurt as a result I apologise. I read a comment you posted elsewhere pertaining to this quite some time ago. I have carried the "guilt" with me since. Frankly as ridiculous as that sounds, I felt bad that I had let you down, and disappointed you. That was never my intention. I refuse to carry that guilt any longer. Lord knows I have enough mental and emotional baggage of my own, I don't need the matching carry on tote to complete the set. Just know that you are loved, cared for, and wished every god-speed in your recovery. I am sorry I wasn't big enough to be the friend you wanted me to be.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:36 AM  

  • Hun..FUNK is the operative word. I think as Anna said, we are all feeling it. I guess for me it,s like a sort of imposed limbo in cyberland..where are they? how are they? What happened to the initially huge group? I have some of the answers but not all. I just hope the few of us that strive for unison as a fun group..revail and continue to share , laugh, cry, and just be....lots of hugs from meeeeee

    By Blogger moon, at 3:39 PM  

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