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Letters to Nowhere

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

I love listening in..

Today during a break I over heard a small group of women talking about their numbers. You know, number of lovers/sex partners/booty calls/sperm donors.. whatever.

Most were pretty banal. 2, 4, 1, 6 (she blushed) then.. .

One lady proposed rules.

#1. Bad performance is ample reason for selective memory.
If it wasn’t good, It didn’t happen.

#2. If the need wasn’t met the deed didn’t happen.
She clarified that if she didn't orgasm it didn't count.

#3 Having sex with an ex while on vacation is inadmissible.
Doesn't count, and isn't cheating.

The other women were looking at her like the worlds biggest hussy. I was secretly laughing my ass off.

My cousin, Chris and I once started comparing numbers. I had to clarify what sex meant. I pulled a Bill Clinton. Is oral sex by one person to another person with no other interaction sex? And so on and so forth.

Chris gave up then. He stated .. "If you have to define sex before you start counting you've got me beat!" Not that it was a contest, just one of those odd ball conversations he and I have from time to time.

All of the above rules by that woman I consider sex. Hey honey, hate to break it to ya. It happened.

I've been around the block.. more than a few times. I own up to it. Just don't ask me for a number.


9 Comments:

  • I remember once having a conversation with an ex about what may or may not classify a person as a "slut".

    Much as in Silkwood when they were saying that, "Well, we know how MUCH plutonium is too much, we just don't know how LITTLE is too much ..." I figured we should try to figure out, at first, not the actual dividing line but rather the point at which all reasonable doubt had been removed that someone was a slut.

    I figured that point probably was somewhere around the point of having slept with two different people in the same 24 hour period.

    Upon explaining this to my ex, she leaned back for a second, thought very, very hard, and then turned red at a beet.

    It took me some six years of intense trying, but I finally tied her record ... and the second woman was in full knowledge of the first, which says something about about the second woman of course ... :)

    By Blogger Axinar, at 7:24 PM  

  • that's great...nice blog

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:01 PM  

  • I only count the ones who live in my town. Which in my world means like 3 people. Anyone out of town doesnt count, if they did, well lets just say Peachy isnt in single digits anymore.

    By Blogger Amanda, at 8:32 PM  

  • hah! thanks for making me giggle.. great post! (blush)

    By Blogger Maggie, at 9:21 PM  

  • That is selective memory. Yep they all count, even tho we wish they didn't and that we hadn't. I wish marriages could be that way to. Cause I sure as heck wouldn't have ever done the first one, or had it count. Ick. It would be like 13 year alien abduction. Yeah, thats what is was. I was a hostage for 13 years. A slave or something.

    By Blogger Squirrels, at 9:54 PM  

  • Numbers?

    You mean we were supposed to keep COUNT?

    Damn. Now's a fine time to tell me!

    Okay, hold on while I take off my shoes. ;)

    BTW, your link should be working now.

    -G

    By Blogger Garrison Steelle, at 10:20 PM  

  • 37!!!
    If you don't get that comment you should watch the movie "Clerks"... I really hope that by the orgasm rule that all the ones that I count... count me back... I am sure there are exceptions... but it wouldn't be for a lack of trying...

    By Blogger m72ga, at 10:34 PM  

  • Haha I like those rules!! I also believe that oral sex DOESN"T count! I am the old school only "penetration" haha

    By Blogger fairygirl701, at 12:14 AM  

  • Yes 37......

    Snowballed one.

    By Blogger Shannon, at 9:26 PM  

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