Drakkar Noir

They (whoever "they" are) say that the sense of smell is probably the strongest trigger of memory. I can agree with that.

My brother and my son were goofing around with a pair of gag glasses when I took this picture. Fast forward 2 months and a few days after that picture was taken and I was at my brother's funeral. He died of a drug overdose.

One of the few things I had of his was a bottle of Drakkar Noir he'd left at my house when he'd stayed the night at one time or another. In the months after his death I'd cry everytime I smelled it on some guy in the elevator. I'd tear up if I saw a bottle in the store.

However, it's been almost two years since he passed away. Now I smell it and think of him. Sometimes when I'm missing him .. it's crazy I know.. but I'll put it on and imagine the conversation we'd have if he were here. A lot has changed in two years; there's a lot I'd love to be able to talk to him about. Thankfully the way I remember him has changed too. It's no longer crushing, and staggeringly painful.

I can remember him, and imagine how he'd react to some of the things I've "talked" to him about over the last two years and it doesn't leave me an emotional wreck. The sense of loss is still large, but most of the brutally sharp edge of pain has dulled.

But there are still days when I see his old truck at mom's house and think "Hey! John's here!" and then sinkingly remember..

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Who You'd Be Today.. Kenny Chesney

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?

Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.

Some day, some day, some day.