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Letters to Nowhere

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Dear Red Cross

First let me thank you for the pure hilarity of getting to pass out juice and cookies at your last vampiric appearance at my work place.

I would like to say thank you for the opportunity to watch "manly" men turn green and, in two cases, faint. That alone was worth the torture of having to watch Brandon Frasier in The Mummy not once but twice.

I would like to make a few suggestions if I may..

You are in Georgia. Central Georgia, I might point out. I heard you lamenting the steadily dropping donation rates from men. I present to you..

Red's suggestions for more blood:

1. Set up shop inside a Hooters restaurant.

2. Instead of juice and cookies offer Budweiser and Moon Pies.

Special note: If you combine No. 1 and No. 2 you will have men that will allow you to take 2, hell, maybe even 3 pints at once.

3. Try to encourage younger, friendlier women to serve as the collection crew. Even I was turned off by Grandma Moses walking around holding what could have been a colostomy bag. Not an incentive to get men to show up frankly.

Just a few observations I had. Even still.. I'll volunteer again the next time you come... Just for the laughs.


  • We just had a blood drive here on campus last week, and I have to sadly report that I missed it.

    Had your suggestions been in place, not only would I have attended, I would have brought a friend or two!

    By Blogger Latin Lover, at 2:08 PM  

  • I never did understand why they sent the oldest nurses out on blood drives. Not only would younger nurses get more men to donate, it would increase their heart rate so they would be in and out of the chair faster. ;)


    By Blogger Garrison Steelle, at 3:59 PM  

  • Hey do you think if I went to work doing that in my naughty nursing outfit I might get a raise......a PAY raise you perv!


    I mean who can resist a redheaded nurse with an ass that people talk about!


    By Blogger Shannon, at 10:42 PM  

  • I always try and liven up the bus when they do the drives here. People are so damn serious! C'mon, you're just giving blood.

    So yeah, I second the hooters idea, and the moon pies (give me a guinness instead of bud, but to each their own) would be awesome.

    I took my kids to the dentist and the whole time they were like "can we have a lollipop now?" so that's an idea -- lollipops!

    By Blogger Silly Old Bear, at 8:44 PM  

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