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Letters to Nowhere

Saturday, October 16, 2004

13 hours

I've had 13 hours to come to grips with my grandfather's death. Yeah, I get it. He's gone.

I spent most of the day here at the house playing operator. I was something of a central hub. My brother, mother, father, etc would call for updates on plans and I'd tell them everything I knew to date.

I still feel a bit out of it. I bit vague, a bit dim. Talking with my brother it became obvious that grandma and grandpa's adopted 13 yr old daughter is refusing to deal with the fact that he is gone.

She was there, she saw him on the couch, she KNOWS he's passed into the clearing but is very likely repressing it. She greeted all visitors today in her normal cheerful way, played outside with her friends, and in short acted like nothing is wrong. Now, before you think she just may not really care.. I know that's not the case. I feel for her. The only father she's ever known is gone. I can't imagine it.

My mother shocked me to the core when I called to see if she wanted to get/do anything. She asked me to give my brother directions to the liquor store. It was so off base I just could not compute the words. I asked her to repeat herself and she said "Well, all the people that drink are going to be coming to my house. I figure the cheapest way to go about it is to get a keg".

WTF!?! You've got to be shitten me! Right? No, she was serious. I called her back a few hours later to let her know they'd decided to transport him back to our home town where we have a family cemetery to be buried there. Her response "I guess we won't need the keg then".. nothing about travel arrangements, flowers, cards, just "I guess we wont need the keg then". I was speechless.

My grandmother has an appointment with the funeral home tomorrow at 2 in Jax FL. They are hoping to have the funeral Tuesday morning. I'll be calling my boss tomorrow to let him know so I can make it.

In the mean time I've told everyone to elect a new central hub for the night. I've put in my overtime. I just want to go to bed. Not because I'm tired, just so I can get away from it all.

(on a side note: I did take my son to see Shark Tale today. He enjoyed it. It was on ok movie. But then again I had alot on my mind and wasn't paying too much attention)


  • As a Hospice Nurse I can tell you that everyone deals with death differently. It doesn't always seem appropiate. Sending you hugs and thoughts of comfort.

    By Blogger Ann, at 10:41 PM  

  • I am very sorry for your loss. Grandparents are special people. I never knew either of my Grandfathers as both passed before my birth, however I was very close to my Grandmother whom I lost 2 years ago.


    By Blogger ladydaria, at 11:43 PM  

  • I'm deeply sorry for your loss.


    By Blogger hyelbaine, at 2:18 AM  

  • *hugs* Jen, I know there is never a magic word at this time to take away the pain. Just know that we are all here for you if you need us.

    By Blogger JustSue, at 8:57 AM  

  • If you need a shoulder, you know where to find me.

    Something to think on....

    Take James fishing and tell him about your youth and the tradition that you and your grandfather started. If the smell is just too much for you (as I know it would be for me) pick something that would be as equally fitting a tribute to your granda....I know he'd approve.

    As for your mom and your adopted aunt (?), seems that they are grieving in the only manner that they know how. One is 13 physically and chronologically, the other mentally, it's okay. Eventually in time they will come to terms with this in their own way.

    As for you.....

    You did the right thing in saying enough is enough. Someone else can be the hub. You need to take time for yourself and to adjust to the void that was made by your granda's passing. You will mourn his death, it's human nature. Just don't forget to rejoice in his life. I remember at my wedding my best friend who gave me away looked over at me and said "You cry at weddings, does that mean you laugh at funerals?" It struck me funny and had the desired effect. Many years later when my nephew passed away, I was sitting there in the funeral, remembering that and burst out laughing. Everyone thought I was nuts. However, it eased my mind in remembering that life does go on and that to honor the dead, we should remember their lives, not mourn their death.

    God I hope that makes some sort of sense....

    Call me if you need me.



    By Blogger Shannon, at 9:19 AM  

  • *Hugs*, as many as you want and need, *hugs*

    By Blogger Amanda, at 1:55 PM  

  • sorry to hear about your loss.
    Take care,



    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:10 PM  

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother last year and not a day goes by that I don't ache for her being gone. Take care,

    By Blogger adriana, at 5:02 PM  

  • I don't really know you, but I do feel sorry for your loss.

    By Blogger Peeyush, at 1:43 AM  

  • As Dr. McCoy said in Star Trek II and as the little boy said to David Banner at the end of the Incredible Hulk episode "Married", "Nobody ever dies, as long as someone remembers them."

    I mean ... check this out ... my paternal grandfather died in 1975 and some idle remarks he made on a reel-to-reel tape to my dad in 1965 are having profound influence on Malaysian English in the 21st century.

    By Blogger Axinar, at 12:55 PM  

  • Jenn remember all those moments in time, the smiles they evoke, the smells to remember, the sounds surrounding them......ok I won't blame u if you forget the fish smell....share them with James..share them with anyone like us who will listen.....I am sorry for your loss. Your memories always stay alive...hugs my friend..

    By Blogger moon, at 8:59 PM  

  • Jenn, you, James and the rest of your family are in my thoughts. I am so very sorry for your loss hon.

    By Blogger Anna, at 5:22 PM  

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