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Letters to Nowhere

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Dear Grandpa

Where to start? I love you, I'll miss you. Chris called this morning and told me of your passing in your sleep. I hope that you were dreaming of home and found comfort and succor when you arrived.

I know that even though we have lived with in 40 miles of each other for the last 5 yrs we haven't seen much of each other. And that is mostly my fault. I'm sorry. We didn't see eye to eye on the things that were most important in your life, God, religion, and salvation. I hope that you did finally attain that which you believed so strongly in.

So many memories, little fragments of conversation, pieces of advice you've given me over the years are playing through my mind. I wish James had been able to go fishing with you, as I did all those years ago. Grandpa, here's a little secret I never told you... I hate to fish. I went just to be with you, to have something in common that we could do together. To spend time with you as you told me stories of your youth.

There's no way to say what I wish I could. I don't have the words. I'm at a loss. I'm glad James and I did get to visit with you last month. I'm glad you got to hear us tell you we loved you. I'm glad I got to hug you one last time.

I called dad and told him the news this morning. He was very upset to hear it. He loved you, as I'm sure you know. Even though he and mom have been divorced 25 yrs dads always asked after you. He will do his best to be there to pay his respects and to remember. We spent 30 mins talking about the times you and dad had together. About the fact you despised him when he and mom first started dating. About how in the end you swore to anyone that would listen that dad was your favorite in-law.

This will be James' first experience with the finality of death. I hope I can explain and reassure him that as long as we remember you, you will live on in our hearts. You will live on in mine. I love you. I will miss you.

Jennifer Renee


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