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Letters to Nowhere

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Hi honey, I'm home

Whew! There is nothing like being home. I went to Jacksonville, FL to see my family over the holiday weekend. It had been far to long. My father was all but howling with frustration, I had a new baby niece I'd yet to see, and misc friends were also clamoring for me to visit.

All and all a very enjoyable trip. Traffic wasn't too bad, my son played with "grandpa" until the two of them were driving my stepmother and I crazy.

My father and my son spent the weekend chasing each other around the house tickling, fighting, and driving the dog nuts. The dog would bark at dad every time he had James on the ground wrestling.. which was all the time! My son rode for hours on dad's motorcycle, something which was pretty touching for me. I remember when a motorcycle was all the transportation dad and I had. Watching my little boy helmet up and climb up there.. dad taking just as much care to make sure he was secure.. and then that little helmeted form waving and blowing kisses to me from the seat behind my father... well... it was priceless..

My niece, Suzanna, is beautiful. A real wiggly necked, chubby legged, gassy bundle of joy. I miss infants! Every now and then, I give thought to having another child.. then of course, the crack wears off LMAO. j/k.. but hell you know that. I can't imagine starting over. My son is 7. By the time I'm having sex again he'll be at least 8. Then the two or three years of "will he and I work?" before I would be comfortable having a kid.. see what I mean. Nah.. I don't see it happening. If it were to happen, I'd deal with it. But, I'm certainly not planning on it.

I, of course, went on a drive thru the city of my birth. I got to show my son parks I played in as a kid, schools I went to, places that I haunted as a child/teen, and ... where his father and I lived, and (at the time) loved. My son is at the age where he really is questioning why his father is not here. I'm having a very hard time trying to give him answers. I answered as honestly as I could. I didn't put an unnatural "happy face" on the situation, nor did I criticize his father.

Damn, it's hard to go home... Yes, I still consider it home though I've lived here 10 years. It may be home.. but I'll never live there again, much to the dismay of my father and other assorted family. C'est la vie.

I did take some pix which I will have to get developed. I forgot my digital camera .. *insert cussing here* So I don't know how they will turn out with my stepmothers 35mm. I'll post a few here if any of them are decent.

As much fun as I had.. It was nice to be back and get to talk with my love. I missed him. I missed his voice. I love him. And I can be patient. But it is occasionally hard. However, nothing worth having is ever easy...

Love yall.. I gotta head off to work. Be good.


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