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Letters to Nowhere

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Things that are irking me:

1. Niki/Pam didn't talk to us about any problem.

She talked w/ Pam, she (we're guessing) talked with Nancy. No one ever talked w/ us. Sending nancy to be insulting in emails is not the best way to alert me of a concern. Please have enough respect to tell me/us/him there is a problem. If you don't say something we don't know. When we talked with Niki about us getting married she didn't say anything except, well I hate to be rude but I need to go get my friend. Not another word. She didn't sound upset, worried, or even like she cared. She never said or sent anything since then to either Les or I. How can we know what is going on if someone doesn't take the time to ask questions, say something, or respond. I'm not psychic.

2. Les "going along" with plans. You don't just "go along" with a life alterning, legaly binding, cereomony that is supposed to be a sign of emotional attachment, love, commitment, trust and joy. You can "go along" with a different type of toothpaste, a trip to the lake, or yeast free bread. Not your wedding.

3. Nancy's meddling and/or dregrading statements about me (which in this case Les was relieved to have a scapegoat at least)

I am more family oriented than she has any idea.
I was the one that said "we have to tell niki at least"
My family isn't wild about me marrying so the wedding sure as hell wasnt for them
No we arent getting married just for me, or at least I didn't think so. Reference #1. I"m not psychic.
Life will never be "perfect" marriage often makes it harder not the roses and rainbows delision you credit with me.
Les is grown. Count. The. Years. 42. Are we going to have to check with you before we consumate our life?
Mom still hasn't told dad? And? Etiher tell him or don't. But don't use it as a weapon. You could cover up child molestation in the past. You can keep this from him too I'm sure.

4. Not going to "complicate this with love" HUH?
Words fail me. Love shouldn't be a complication. It is the reason. period.

5. The time when I most need to see him hes asking me not to come. When I most need the reassurance of being able to look into his eyes and see ... whatever may (or god forbid may not) be there.

*sigh.. yes this would be all about me if I were to press it. And I'm not ready to create even more resentment.

6. Does he want me there or is that also just "going along w/ it" too?
I'm pretty sure the last year+ of planning hasn't been just at my urging. I hope not, anyway.

7. Feeling like I can't discuss this with him, see #5

I don't want to be angry, I don't want to doubt, I don't want to lose trust in him. But now I find myself questioning things I thought were bedrock truths.


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