Postponed, but not abandoned

Reading Moon's comment about our changes in wedding plans made me think about why I've agreed to postpone. And that's all it is really, a postponement.

The fact that my family isn't thrilled to pieces really, in the end, doesn't matter to me. I would like the support, or at least well wishes of my family, but I'm not getting married to please them, and my marriage, ultimately, will not include them. They don't have to live with us or support us.

I have long since past the point in my life where what people think of me, or even IF they think of me, matters much in my decision making. Spending time worrying about what people with think, or say only gives them power over you. If you begin to base your reactions to life on the "OH but-what-will-they-think" fretting, you may as well hand them the reins to your life and say "lead me where you will, I'm a slave to whim and your opinion".

So, the reason I agreed to a postponement had very little to do with my family now. It had everything to do with my family after the ceremony. And when I say my family I mean:

He and I, our two kids, that is my family. Period. His daughter can't be here, and she wants to be with us when we get married. That's all that really matters.

Oh sure his mother was upset and his sister was crap'n kittens, and putting the guilt trip on with a trowel. As much as some of the things she's said made me see red and seethe, she's only reinforced my previous opinion of her. That it's not as much about me, as it is her.

Whereas my family's opinion of me has little actual impact on what I do with my life, it’s a little weightier to my beau. Maybe most of it boils down to the fact he's the youngest. He's never been taken seriously by most of his family. And maybe after forty years of it, he never will be.

So, how, or why even, do I love him? I don'’t expect to, or want to change him. I’m not trying to save him etc. It'’s simply because he is a good man; his hearts in the right place. This is not the first time the family dragon has roared out of it's cave and started demanding sacrifice "for your own good, for the good of the family", He's stood up and slayed the dragon before. He'll do it again when needed, I have faith in him.

He asked me, "If we do postpone will you think less of me? Will it change the relationship?"

All I can say is this: I don't know, I doubt it. But, I do know I don't want him to marry me out of spite, just to prove a point. I don't want him to marry me because I used my love and our life as leverage in some perverse tug of war. I refuse to give ultimatums, and I refuse to respond to them; they show a lack of respect, or trust. I'll leave the heavy handed bullying to others. They seem better at it.

All that I'm concerned about is our family: Daughter, Son, He and I. That's it, That's all.

His daughter is the reason, at least my reason. She is worth postponing our wedding. If she wants to be there when we marry, she will be. So I wait.