Joyous Eggnog

I truly value people that 'get' my sense of humor. And if they can lob the sarcasm ball right back over the net at me... well, I may have made a friend for life.

I went down to the coffee shop in the mall, where they know me well, as you can imagine. The flavor of the day was Joyous Eggnog. (Quick Les cover your eyes) I got to the counter and said, "I'd like a large joyous eggnog please". (ok hun, you can read again) Joyous was said in that bright aren't we happy, airline stewardess voice.

The glare of flat loathing I got in return made me laugh my butt off. He says, "We just call it eggnog. After 6 hours there's NOTHING joyous about it."

Yep, that sums up mall work near Christmas perfectly.

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Never underestimate the depth of humor ignorance. The key to alot of the statements that sometimes slip out of my mouth before my head can say .. NO NO NO .. is tone, inflection, the proper amount of smile in my voice.

I was holding a Boxer bulldog, idly petting it, when a woman came into the pet store. She takes one look at me and says, "Are you going to sell that dog?" Before I could stop myself I replied, "No ma'am, it's just a display model"

(The sign says AKC reg Husky Male $499) The man turns to me and says, "I'll give you $250, does that sound good". I reply "No sir, this isn't the flea market. The dog is $499 take it or leave it." He left it.

A woman walks to the rear of the store, past the dogs, and kittens to me and says "Why don't you guys sell dog?" I turn her around and say "Do you see that big plate glass window, where everyone is looking in?"

Here's your sign..

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The good thing about working with people that I know fairly well is the camaraderie you develop.

I had an arrogant blow hard hitting on me the other day. My monosyllabic responses to his questions about me, my job, my life just didn't seem to be getting through to him. Just before I was about to finally lose it and tell him.. "LOOK, as far as YOU are concerned I don't have a functioning vagina.. Nothing to see here.. Move along!" one of the girls I work with came to rescue him. Yes I said him. I don't need rescuing. He may have needed surgery to take care of the verbal disembowelment I was about to deliver.

One ignorant ass potato later and everyone is teasing me about my new boy friend. One of the girls actually called my cousin, AT HOME, to tell him about it. That's the other thing I miss about working with the public. Your crew, co-workers, whatever you call them, become almost like extended family.