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Letters to Nowhere

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Kids Cost

I have fallen in love with one of the Sun Conures we have at work. I have forbidden Chris to sell me the bird though. Even before all my other financial trouble.. I just don’t have $300 to pay for a bird. (That’s including my 25% employee discount) And besides, I’m cheap. I just can’t see paying that kind of money for an animal.

I have sold dogs.. lots of dogs lately. It boggles my mind that people will pay a thousand dollars for a DOG!

I only paid my midwife $750 for my SON. But, supply and demand is god in retail. And believe me, there are people with far too much money than is good for them.


Ok, I should be up for some kind of medal. Really I should. I did NOT laugh in the face of a customer today. It was a close call. But I was up to it.

Customer: Ok this chick was BLIND.. serious coke bottle lenses. She had exactly 5 teeth. All on the bottom, front. All of her teeth were perfectly rounded her mouth looked like this --> nmnn --- And she had dear god, she had the thickest, hick-est accent I've ever heard out of the movies. That alone was worth a really good repeat to my cousin. But noooo it got worse.

Customer: How much are the cockatoos?
Me: $85 (watching with morbid fascination as her rounded teeth bob up and down)
Customer: (lots of banal and fairly common questions THEN) I want to teach it to play a good game of checkers can I do that?
Me: Uh, no. It may be able to move a piece with it's beak or claw but never really play.
Customer: Why not?
Me: Birds just don't have the brain power needed to do that.
Customer: Well I really want the bird but someone said they get mites.
Me: Yes all birds can get mites and we have products to treat it if needed.
Customer: Like little traps you mean?
Me: Well...
Customer: I really want it but they get mites.. and my husband said he doesn't want rats in the house
Me: rats?
Customer: I know they aren't really rats but rats and mites are just about the same thing.
Me: Can you excuse me for a minute. I need to blow my nose? (cue the sound of me bolting to the back and stifling hysterical laughter)

Chris came in to check on me.. I told him the story and we were both about to die.

Me: (the consummate professional once again) Excuse me, I'm sorry. Ma'am I think you may be confused. Mites are not rodents. Mites and Mice are two different things. Mites are like fleas..
Customer: Ohhhh


  • As a public worker to another, I've excused myself a few times before also. God bless people with money. They not only keep us employed but amused too... **walking off shaking my head LMAO**

    By Blogger Love, at 12:48 AM  

  • *Checks to make sure none of her family were out of town....*

    Uh Yeah, cant imagine anyone saying anything that stupid.

    By Blogger Amanda, at 2:00 AM  

  • honest to goodness statement made by my g/f's ex mama inlaw,,,,,,,, Shari, do ya'll sell *gerenetic* condoms at the drugstore if i have an *organism* i don't wanna be pregnant. i SWEAR thats what she said,,i almost died, so yeah i know how ya feel. then again MY mama inlaw, when going shopping won't buy *genetic* product cuz it's not as good ,,rolls eyes, gotta love em hillbillies

    By Blogger reesie, at 4:58 AM  

  • I also swear i didnt pay 375 bucks for one of the pugs.

    By Blogger Amanda, at 11:56 AM  

  • I love the doggies too. But I can't see paying that price for a doggie, birdie or kittie. LOL. IE <--- I always wanted one of those big colorful birds that would talk. But no way am I ever gonna pay as much as others want for them.

    By Blogger Squirrels, at 2:29 PM  

  • ROTFL. I think I see a financial opportunity here: mite traps!



    By Blogger Garrison Steelle, at 8:42 PM  

  • lmao at mite traps

    By Blogger Squirrels, at 2:19 AM  

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