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Letters to Nowhere

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


My mother called today. We have received the Autopsy and toxicology reports from the coroner regarding my brother's death on 10-22-04.

Cocaine (crack), alcohol and (surprise, surprise) morphine were found in his blood. The coroner goes on to say that while the cocaine and blood alcohol content were at very high levels, it was the morphine that killed him.

In what may be the first wise decision made since John's death, my mother and their father (I'm my dad's only child, mom's first of 5) have decided not to tell my sister the results. It's bad enough she feels like she killed him. It would be terrible to get confirmation that what she gave John killed him.

My mother said she spent much of the last two months being angry at my sister. We all were all but certain that the morphine was the cause of death. This just makes it official. I told mom that being angry does no one any good. In truth, I was angry, angry at my mother, her husband, and my sister. Mostly though, I was angry with my brother.

Mom is concerned that my sister hasn't/wont get clean off the drug and alcohol problem that she has. Mom told my sister that she could move in with ME, and that she (mom) would help with the money etc. I interrupted her and advised her that she was wrong. My sister can not move in with me.

I love my sister. I love all my siblings. I love them like they are my own. But.. they are NOT my kids. I have a child. I have a hard enough time sheltering him from the bad/evil/inappropriate things out there as it is now. I refuse, adamantly refuse! to invite the kind of life my sister lives into my house.

Mom's come back "you wouldn't put up with it, She would have to stop all that" Yeah mom your right. But I also refuse to have my son around the screaming, fighting, and ass-showing it would take to make that happen. Ultimately.. My sister is a grown woman in the eyes of the law. She has to make her way. I have to make mine.

I'm keeping my eye on my navigational beacon. My son. My future. My life.


  • You are right. If you mother wants her to get help then she should have her stay there. Your sister made her bed. It wont do any good to try to help her until she decides she is ready to help herself. I agree with you. I don't think that she should be told either... :)

    By Blogger Squirrels, at 7:20 PM  

  • Hold to your guns, girl. You are, of course, very correct in not wanting her around your son. She is NOT your responsibility. Not at that level, at least.

    I can only imagine the tension and stress this creates for your entire family, but bringing your sister into your home would only make matters worse.


    By Blogger Garrison Steelle, at 8:38 PM  

  • Indeed. You cant possibly take care of both of your families. Right now, your child is certainly more important than taking care of your sister, because you cant do both. It probably sounds harsh, but it isnt.

    By Blogger pixels, at 9:49 PM  

  • I'm proud of you.

    You did good! I'm not gonna repeat what everyone else just told you. You know what I think. But I'll tell you what......

    You ever need some help bustin some heads, lemme know, I got some aggression searching for a healthy outlet to put to good use!


    By Blogger Shannon, at 12:21 AM  

  • Your first priority has to be your son. In a way I am shocked that your mother even considered having your sister come and live with you. As you said, you are not your sister's keeper! Stand firm darlin' you are doing the right thing for everyone.

    By Blogger JustSue, at 8:35 AM  

  • I agree with you that keeping ugliness away from the little people is hard enough without letting it walk right through your front door. What a hard set of circumstances it all must be. If your sister ever wants to know for sure, she will confirm the cause of death on her own. Perhaps you are wise to leave that to unravel as it will. I cannot pretend to know. I wish you well.

    By Blogger Justice, at 2:47 PM  

  • Stick to your guns. You cannot let someone with drug addiction into your home. It willcause tooo many problems.

    Your sister needs rehab, a real rehab. Your home is not it and you are not a drug couselor. I wish you luck.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:13 PM  

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