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Letters to Nowhere

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Cherished misconceptions

What is it with men? They love breasts. Yep, I hate to be the one to break it to you.. Men LOVE Breasts. Hell, even the word breasts will often cause spontaneous salivation in some men.

Oddly enough this phenomenon does exist among women. Our key word is not breasts but cheesecake. MMMMMM cheeeeeesecaaaaaake.. See?!

Anyway, uh were was I .. oh yes.. breasts..

My day was made complete when I was able to throughly trounce upon a common male misconception and forever create a complex in a po' lil dangly-part equipped co-worker of mine today.

We were talking about breasts.. or they were. I was listening. (can you tell how effective the "inappropriate behavior" talks were Tuesday?)

One of my man type co-workers lamented that his wife didn't have large breasts. She's a 36 C. "I want a 44 Double D" was his impassioned cry. My snickers and smirk did not go unnoticed and he asked what was so funny about that.

Me: I didn't know you liked big girls
Goober: I don't
Me: (laughing harder now) Well then you are sure gonna be shocked when you get your 44DD
Goober: Why?
Me: Do you know ANYTHING about bras.. other than the fact that you cant unfasten one with both hands, a flashlight, and a 30 minute lead?
Goober: (starting to get pissy now, bout time don't you think?) Why?
Me: The number part of the bra size indicates how big around your girl is. You know your pants size? Well bras are measured the same way. Just under the breasts and around the back.
Goober: (looking crushed) what? So 44 means 44 inches AROUND her body?
Me: Uh huh.. here's a cookie!! You got it now!
Goober: So what do the letters mean?
Me: That is the measure of the actual breast. What is in your hands. So for a 44DD you want a woman a bit bigger than me, both around and boob wise. (more snickers and laughter)

Ah, the sweet smell of disenchantment.

As I strolled off to my break I heard him asking lil mrs perfect wifey if I was right. She had spent all of our conversation carefully keeping a neutral face while trying like hell to not laugh. She lost the "don't laugh in his face" battle at his question.

So men.. if you like your ladies thin and big breasted.. you want a 32, 34, even a 36 DD


  • hehehehe, i have tried to explain this to men before. They tend to stare at me blankley. But if you really want to confuse them explain how the average breast size was a 34B in the 60's and is now roughly a 36C.

    By Blogger Amanda, at 10:00 PM  

  • I'm more of a cuxx guy myself, and oh do I love to eat at the Y.

    By Blogger : JustaDog, at 11:07 PM  

  • Yep they don't understand that the number is how big around your chest you are and the cup size is what matters. They just haven't got that yet. I often wondered what do you think Dolly Partons bra size is? 24 DDDD or something? :)

    By Blogger Squirrels, at 12:02 AM  

  • ahh yes I've had that conversation a few times and always relished the look of disenchanment they get on their lil sad faces...

    By Blogger Rae, at 12:23 AM  

  • Pardon me Jenn while I go on a rant.

    "I'm more of a cuxx guy myself, and oh do I love to eat at the Y." Written by none other than the Keats of our time "Maddie Dog"

    What THE hell?!?!?!

    Are you like 12 dude?!?!

    Did you not note that the author of this blog used respectful and appropriate terms for body part? You can't even write out cunt. Eatting at the Y? Yeah I've eatten at the Y. The YMCA had this great little cafe around the corner from my office. Used to go there for lunch on a fairly regular basis....but I digress in my tirade.

    There is any number of words that can be used for slang when describing either the male or female anatomy. Obiviously it went over your pointed little head that what the author was trying to demonstrate in this post is enlightenment which not many men have and a matter of respect for a woman which you obviously lack.

    By all definitions, just by your behavior I can tell you are what you eat. I just fear and pray that you've not procreated (that's make babies in little words you can understand) because if you have, all of mankind is doomed.

    Stupid moronic twAt!

    (Anyone who knows me, more importantly, anyone who I want to know me, will know this is me by my rant. Now quite laughin!)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:23 AM  

  • YEAH!!! WHAT SHE SAID!!!!.............hehe that was easy

    By Blogger moon, at 11:24 AM  

    Sh... I mean Anonymous... that was too funny ;)

    By Blogger Rae, at 12:38 PM  

  • mellowyellow http://older.blogdrive.com

    Ha ha! Happy New Year

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:51 PM  

  • I always thought more than a handful was a waste anyways!

    Wishing you a fabulous New Year, and hoping all your dreams come true in 2005!

    By Blogger JustSue, at 3:18 PM  

  • LOL. That's just TOO funny. My personal preference tends to go smaller, right on the B/C border. Of course, being in the profession I'm in, breast size measurements are an important part of the overall equation. One of the things I do so love about my job. ;)


    By Blogger Garrison Steelle, at 8:39 PM  

  • See men say they want girls with big boobs but girls who are naturally big busted tend to have quite saggy breasts. I'm happy with my size- I can go without bras, I'll be pert for years to come. The only downside is that I won't have natural knee warmers!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:32 AM  

  • Well I imagine it's hard to have the DD without the 44, I mean, you have to have enough meat on your bones to support those DDs. And since breasts are just mounds of fat anyway, of course they will increase and decrease with the weight of the bearer. I think the key is proportion, which most of the time, is how it works out. When you see a woman with 24DDDD as Dolly Parton may be, you wonder how she keeps herself upright.
    And I agree: a handful is all you need...a handful is perfect.
    And for the record, I'll take breasts over cheesecake any day.

    By Blogger Jay, at 5:38 PM  

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