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Letters to Nowhere

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Dancing Naked.. well screaming anyway

We've finally been given the ok to start cleaning up downed trees from the extreme weather we've gotten from the last few hurricanes. Yesterday, I got started.. Most of the little trees and branches were gathered and burned. Today, the big stuff. I got out my handsaw and borrowed a chain saw.

All went well and I had a merry fire going, as I continued to cut and drag sections of trees to the pit. I was attempting to drag a particularly branch-y part of a tree off another fallen piece when it happened.

Unbeknown to me, I had stepped .. nay, I had trampled, all but did the Flamenco, on top of a fire ant bed. A big one. Those of you not from this area may not have experience with these little guys. Bright red, small ants. Who are aptly named. If they bite you.. well let's hope they don't.

Don't let the fact they are insects fool you. I am quite certain they have a very clear communication system. While I was toiling they had trooped up my pants legs, no doubt snickering and cavorting with glee. The first bite was on my ankle. I reached down to scratch, thinking in my distraction that it was probably a mosquito.

Clearly fire ant #1's death cry was heard by all his brethren. Because on that cue all the ants started biting.. from ankle to just above the knee. This had an effect on me, as you might clearly imagine. Suddenly, I was covered by angry, biting demons from hell. I don't think my reaction could have been more dignified given the circumstances.

I spent about 15 seconds literally running around in circles beating at my legs. Talk about cultured. Woo Hoo.. This was not working. So I did what any other sensible, modest southerner would have done.

You know, I don't think I could have stripped off my jeans any faster if Sean Connery had appeared before me and begged leave to satisfy my every sexual whim. So.. here I am in my back yard, feet from a roaring fire, naked from the waist down, trying to get these little bastards off me before they could go any higher. Thank god the water hose was right there.. thank god it was turned on. I hosed myself off, and now sit here whimpering.. I've taken a baking soda bath and am covered in Calamine.

So, much for yard work! All I can say is #1 I'm very happy the house right behind mine is currently empty. I'm sure I was a sight. #2 I'm glad my son wasn't there. He probably would have pissed himself laughing at his mother jumping up and down, all but screaming as my nervous system reacted to, what seemed like at the time, someone setting off a roman candle in my jeans.

And, how has your day been so far?

6 Comments:

  • once again......smooooooooooth!

    By Blogger Amanda, at 3:23 PM  

  • bite me, heiffer lol

    By Blogger Red Clover, at 6:31 PM  

  • Mooo, baby, moooo

    By Blogger Amanda, at 9:24 PM  

  • Yanno........

    I got a thousand dollars to the person who can get me a video of that incident. I will GLADLY pay that person just so I can see you do the "OMG-I-think-I'm-gonna-piss-myself" dance.

    Oh yeah, btw.....after reading your post, my day is MUCH better!

    Thanks for sharing!!

    :))

    By Blogger Shannon, at 8:11 AM  

  • today I went outside and got bit by a mosquito that I swear was the size of a buffalo........it rambed right into me and ......oh wait , dreamed that during nap time....ya my day was better then yours too...hehe ..I will chip in for that video tape too btw lol

    By Blogger moon, at 9:22 AM  

  • So the house behind ya is empty eh? *rubbing chin*
    know how much they want for it? want some canadian neighbours?

    Just so the next time that or something similiar happens I'll be the one getting the thousand dollars... *big cheesy smile*

    namaste

    By Blogger Rae, at 9:59 AM  

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