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Letters to Nowhere

Monday, May 24, 2004


Ughh.. where to start. Why does the fact that I'm the oldest and most responsible child my mother had always mean I have to rescue everyone? If something goes wrong all you gotta go is call Renee .. she'll fix everything. Well, damn it I'm tired of having this unofficial job duty. I have a kid, house, job, car etc that I have to worry about and take care of. If you cant answer the questions in your life what makes you think I'd be much better at it. Hell, there are times I can barely afford to put food on the table and keep the lights on. I cant always bail you out. My mother recently had the brilliant idea to have one of my brothers move 3 miles away from me. He is recovering from drug addiction. GREAT! but.. ah yes.. there is always a But.. I'm supposed to more or less babysit. Make sure he's eating, that none of the stuff in the house has been pawned, and that he's still on the wagon. WHY!!! I'll tell ya why.. cuz I'm the "responsible one". Well guess what I'm sick of being responsible. Let me just deal w/ my life. I promise there's enough to keep my busy, Ma.

Let's see... right now I have a cat at the vets. We don't think she'll make it. My son is heartbroken. Do I have time to babysit a grown man? No not really. There's Karate lessons, reading practice (my son has Dyslexia) a house to clean, dinner to cook, clothes to wash, and a try to squeeze in some time just for me. EVERYDAY! My brother may have given up the hard drugs but he sure as hell hasn't given up drinking. Just what I need a 1/2 drunk relative. Not the best way to provide my son w/ good role models. And my son loves my brother. I'm glad he does. It saddens me that I wouldn't trust my brother to take my son fishing. I know bro will be drinking in the boat.

My sister wants to get away from it all.. Can I move in w/ you? NO!!! She drinks, smokes, all that crap too. So please tell me how I can stop being the social worker of the family! I hate telling them no, but my life is just that.. mine, or at least it should be.

Oh well, screw it. Don't pet the sweaty stuff.. wait.. thats not right lol. Don't sweat the petty stuff.. yeah thats it. "This too shall pass".. and "you'll get the chair if you kill them" are my current mantras. Pray for me....


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