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Letters to Nowhere

Monday, May 17, 2004


Good morning L,

Here I sit at work in a rare moment of silence. No doubt this is the calm before the storm.

I've been thinking of you off and on all morning. I'm sure this is somewhat due to the fact you were in my dreams for most of the night. Deceptively simple dreams, us bickering over what movie to see, conversations about going to the grocery for bread, curling up on the couch listening to the radio while we talk about nothing/everything/anything. Sounds fairly boring huh?

Ah well, it is the simple pleasures that are the greatest. I can still feel the flutter in my stomach and the nervousness as I placed my hands on your shoulders and kissed you for the first time. The shaky exhale and blush that followed. My "I've wanted to do that for a long time" admission. I kissed your for the first time a dozen times last night. A soft kiss, slow sensuous, riveting. Hmmm so much more fulfilling at this stage.

Even in the one dream that was about sex, there was never intercourse. We lay forehead to forehead, stroking, caressing, rubbing, inflaming and exciting the senses. The agony of expectation, seeing the desire in the others eyes, feeling the low coil of heat and tension in my stomach. Waiting.. knowing it will be wonderful.

Ok, then... This letter is not exactly turning out the way I thought it would. It's now lunchtime and I sit in the warm sun, smoking and reading over what I've written. God, what a blush I must have. And yes, it was the calm before the storm. I've taken 38 calls in the 2 hours since I started this letter.

We talked about blogging last night and you mentioned you wouldn't be able to put everything out there for all to see. I'd love for you to read this. But I'll never send it. It would serve no purpose. We are adults. We know how things stand, the possibility of us ever fulfilling these simple desires are slim to none.

How I wish it could be different. That the obstacles around us could be made manageable. I'm wistful for a life I cant have. I do actually think we would have a good chance. C'est la vie. Of course you never know how things will work out now a days. But god the conversations we have alone are stimulating, fun, exciting. Even when we talk about nothing I love it. I look forward to talking to you. Your an outlet I've not had for quite some time. I've missed you while you/I where away. I'm glad you have come back. I will take whatever time you have to offer gladly. xoxo


  • I wanted to say I share your letter writing hobby. However, I write letters for people to read when I die. Sounds morbid but it allows great journaling freedom!

    By Blogger SadGirl, at 3:02 AM  

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